Alien Proliferation

business.” Jeff was growling.
    “They’re not in a bra this time, guys.”
    “Oh, please. Everything Centaurion Division does is my business, including what the head of Airborne for Centaurion is doing. Especially when we almost lost said head of Airborne in labor.” Chuckie was right in Jeff’s face.
    “About to lose her to disgust, boys.”
    “She doesn’t need you to take care of her.” Jeff was growling and snarling.
    “I’m okay with the taking care of. Not so much with the stag fighting.”
    “True, she’s an independent woman. She’s now on official maternity leave, but some women manage to work while having babies. Kitty’s one of them. But, sorry, I keep on forgetting—you’re old-fashioned. Where’s her gingham dress, her stove and her washing machine?” Chuckie had a sarcasm knob, too. His was turned to eleven. I also thought I was about to watch him lose his cool, which was more rare than sighting Halley’s Comet.
    “Boys, really. I don’t want to flash you. What example will that set for Jamie?”
    “She’s also my wife and what she does or doesn’t do isn’t any of your business.”
    They were nose-to-nose. Physical fighting was bound to be an issue.
    “Kitty, go for it. All the guys are here, waiting to get a load of the maternity rack.” Reader was in the doorway, cover-boy grin on full. He wasn’t kidding—all the rest of Alpha and Airborne were behind him. All of them were watching my chest, not Jeff and Chuckie.
    Amazingly, the two of them were still glaring and snarling at each other. I looked at Amy. Her mouth was hanging open. I caught her eye. “Sometimes they don’t fight and just glare at each other from across the room. Occasionally they work together. Chuckie was at our wedding, too. Helped pick out my dress. They still fought then, just not as much, in deference to the solemnity that wasn’t really our wedding.”
    “I’m really confused.” Amy sounded confused. And scared.
    My mother shoved into the room. “What the hell is going on here?” She sounded normal, and, as she looked around, I confirmed that she looked normal, too. Good. My world was no longer teetering more oddly than usual. “Hi, Amy, nice to see you. Charles, Jeff, is this the right time or place for this?”
    They both ignored her. “Mom, could you take the baby?”
    “Oooh, yes.” Mom hustled over. “Christopher told us her name. Love it.” I refrained from mentioning that I’d have been glad to tell her the baby’s name earlier. I got the feeling she wanted and possibly needed for us to not discuss our private mother and daughter moment. No worries, I didn’t like to show weakness in front of others if I could help it, either.
    Mom picked up Jamie and rocked her. “She’s such an angel, sleeping while her daddy and Uncle Charles fight over her mommy.”
    “He’s not her uncle anything,” Jeff snarled.
    “That’s as much up to Kitty as you, Martini.” Chuckie wasn’t snarling, but he was close.
    I sighed and got to the edge of the bed. Felt pretty good. Looked down. Wasn’t a hippo anymore. Wasn’t in great shape, but at least I only looked as if I had a watermelon in there now. Stood up. Moved. Felt fine. Turned my back to the door. Looked to make sure there were no mirrors or reflective surfaces about. Check.
    “Jeff? I’m about to pull up my top. Either the two of you stop it, or Chuckie gets a good view of the torpedoes.”
    They both spun toward me.
    “Don’t even think about it,” Jeff hissed.
    “Torpedoes?” Chuckie was now staring at my chest. “Oh. Wow. I honestly hadn’t looked. Damn.” A-C sleepwear T-shirts were white, after all. Thick, but not that thick.
    “Take your eyes off my wife’s chest or I kill you.” Jeff sounded ready to follow through.
    “I could just shoot them both,” Mom offered.
    “True, but I kind of like them.”
    “Why?” Reader asked this one. “I mean, it’s sort of flattering, I’m sure. But the timing is always so bad.”
    “It’s only when they’re both frightened and don’t want to admit it.” Hit with that one. I got two big men staring at me with a mixture of hurt, guilt, and embarrassment on their faces. Decided to be nice. “But we do sort of have a situation here. It would be kind of nifty if we could, and I’m just spitballing here, get the full details out of Amy, before we lose her to Oh-My-God overload. Then, you know, you two can go back to the manly posturing and grunting.”
    They both