All the Pretty Horses

I know you’re hungry.
    They ordered and the proprietor brought their coffee and went back to the counter. His father took a cigarette out of his shirtpocket.
    You thought any more about boardin your horse?
    Yeah, the boy said. Thought about it.
    Wallace might let you feed and swamp out stalls and such as that. Trade it out thataway.
    He aint goin to like it.
    Who, Wallace?
    No. Redbo.
    His father smoked. He watched him.
    You still seein that Barnett girl?
    He shook his head.
    She quit you or did you quit her?
    I dont know.
    That means she quit you.
    Yeah.
    His father nodded. He smoked. Two horsemen passed outside in the road and they studied them and the animals they rode. His father stirred his coffee a long time. There was nothing to stir because he drank it black. He took the spoon and laid it smoking on the paper napkin and raised the cup and looked at it and drank. He was still looking out the window although there was nothing there to see.
    Your mother and me never agreed on a whole lot. She liked horses. I thought that was enough. That’s how dumb I was. She was young and I thought she’d outgrow some of the notions she had but she didnt. Maybe they were just notions to me. It wasntjust the war. We were married ten years before the war come along. She left out of here. She was gone from the time you were six months old till you were about three. I know you know somethin about that and it was a mistake not to of told you. We separated. She was in California. Luisa looked after you. Her and Abuela.
    He looked at the boy and he looked out the window again.
    She wanted me to go out there, he said.
    Why didnt you?
    I did. I didnt last long at it.
    The boy nodded.
    She come back because of you, not me. I guess that’s what I wanted to say.
    Yessir.
    The proprietor brought the boy’s dinner and the pie. The boy reached for the salt and pepper. He didnt look up. The proprietor brought the coffeepot and filled their cups and went away. His father stubbed out his cigarette and picked up his fork and stabbed at the pie with it.
    She’s goin to be around a long longern me. I’d like to see you all make up your differences.
    The boy didnt answer.
    I wouldnt be here if it wasnt for her. When I was in Goshee I’d talk to her by the hour. I made her out to be like somebody who could do anything. I’d tell her about some of the other old boys that I didnt think was goin to make it and I’d ask her to look after them and to pray for them. Some of them did make it too. I guess I was a little crazy. Part of the time anyway. But if it hadnt of been for her I wouldnt of made it. No way in this world. I never told that to nobody. She dont even know it.
    The boy ate. Outside it was growing dark. His father drank coffee. They waited for Arturo to come with the truck. The last thing his father said was that the country would never be the same.
    People dont feel safe no more, he said. We’re like the Comancheswas two hundred years ago. We dont know what’s goin to show up here come daylight. We dont even know what color they’ll be.
    T HE NIGHT was almost warm. He and Rawlins lay in the road where they could feel the heat coming off the blacktop against their backs and they watched stars falling down the long black slope of the firmament. In the distance they heard a door slam. A voice called. A coyote that had been yammering somewhere in the hills to the south stopped. Then it began again.
    Is that somebody hollerin for you? he said.
    Probably, said Rawlins.
    They lay spreadeagled on the blacktop like captives waiting some trial at dawn.
    You told your old man? said Rawlins.
    No.
    You goin to?
    What would be the point in it?
    When do you all have to be out?
    Closing’s the first of June.
    You could wait till then.
    What for?
    Rawlins propped the heel of one boot atop the toe of the other. As if to pace off the heavens. My daddy run off from home when he was fifteen. Otherwise I’d of been born in Alabama.
    You wouldnt of been born at all.
    What makes you say that?
    Cause your mama’s from San Angelo and he never would of met her.
    He’d of met somebody.
    So would she.
    So?
    So you wouldnt of been born.
    I dont see why you say that. I’d of been born somewheres.
    How?
    Well why not?
    If your mama had a baby with her other husband and your daddy had one with his other wife which one would you be?
    I wouldnt be neither of em.
    That’s right.
    Rawlins lay watching the stars. After a while he said: I could still be born.