...And Never Let HerGo

talked it over with Nan, who thought that it would be best for Annie to accept Carol’s offer, but she cautioned her not to cause Carol any trouble.
    As grateful as she was to have someplace to live in Brandywine Hundred, underneath, Anne Marie would always feel that she didn’t belong in Carol’s home, that she was only an interloper who was living on somebody else’s charity. Carol certainly didn’t feel that way, and the rest of her extended family considered Anne Marie to be oneof them. But Anne Marie herself felt especially guilty about eating Carol’s food because she was in no position to buy any groceries herself. She began to worry excessively about leaving her room—or any place in the house—messy. While most teenagers clomp around and leave a path of destruction through a house, Anne Marie tiptoed, figuratively wiping her footprints clean behind her.
    She had never been obsessive about neatness or about food before, but now she was. She kept her room spotless so that Carol would never have to clean up after her. And she often left the table while she was still hungry because she didn’t want to eat too much of her benefactress’s food.
    Anne Marie was still playing field hockey and basketball at Brandywine, and Brian often drove from Newark to give her a ride home afterward. He knew how she felt about accepting so much from Carol, and he always made a point of taking his younger sister out to a restaurant so she wouldn’t have to eat supper at Carol’s house. Although no one picked up on it then, Anne Marie was actually eating less and less, figuring the cost of every bite of food she put into her mouth and trying not to impose on anyone.
    She was at the peak of adolescence, at the most vulnerable age a girl can be, and yet Anne Marie was trying to make herself inconspicuous rather than bloom as she deserved. There was no place where she felt she really belonged. She was grateful for everything people did for her, but inside, she must have raged sometimes that she
had
to be grateful. She had no mother, no real father. To make herself less and less of a burden, she ate less and became compulsive about being neat. It was the beginning of a lifelong pattern of behavior.
    A ROUND Thanksgiving of the year that Anne Marie was a junior at Brandywine, Carol told her that she could no longer put her up. There was no place for her to go but Newark, with her father and her brother Brian. She begged to be allowed to graduate with her class at Brandywine, and they figured out a way. Brian was twenty-one by then and had a car, so he drove her to school in the morning when he could. If he had to be somewhere else, he lent his car to their father and
he
drove Anne Marie to school. Brian was coaching hockey and basketball at the Friends School in Alapocas, and he would pick his sister up when he was through for the day.
    Anne Marie got a job waitressing at the Charcoal Pit to help pay expenses. She could not even begin to afford the clothes that most of the girls in Brandywine Hundred wore, but she took scrupulouscare of the clothes she had. With her salary and tips, she paid her own way as much as she could.
    The logistics of seeing that his sister got safely to school, to work, and back home were difficult for Brian—but it was worth it. Anne Marie stayed with him and their father until June of her junior year at Brandywine. She had only one year to go when her brothers Kevin and Robert told her she could have a home with them. They’d bought a house together near Salesianum School, and they had a bedroom for Anne Marie. Best of all, it was close to Brandywine High. For her senior year in high school, she had someplace she could count on. She still played field hockey, and her coach was a friend of Brian’s. Brian came out to most of Anne Marie’s games.
    The love that Anne Marie’s siblings demonstrated for her was a testimony to how well Robert and Kathleen had parented the older children. When Kathleen died, their world evaporated, but the family they had created stayed remarkably cohesive. By sheer force of will, Anne Marie’s brothers and sister would see her through to adulthood.
    Anne Marie herself was determined to go to college. During this time, her father rallied and helped her find financial aid and college loans. Brian was pleased to see his father filling out the complicated financial aid forms so Anne Marie would get her wish.
    When she graduated from Brandywine High School in 1984, Anne