...And Never Let HerGo

(although how in the hell was she supposed to come home again with a one-way ticket?). She didn’t dare show him the side of her that was angry, too, and desperate to be free of him. By January, she decided that the best way to get away from Tom would be in small increments. If she could slip out of his life without fanfare, it just might work. It was clearly not possible to simply break up with him, but she hoped that she could convincehim she loved him as a friend and was appreciative of all he had done for her, and she hoped that gradually, gradually she would become less available to him. She understood that his ego and his feelings were involved. She truly did not want to hurt him.
    Even though Tom had become very demanding about wanting to see her, Anne Marie tried to defuse that by having what was basically an E-mail relationship. She became very adept at finding excuses to avoid meeting him in person. Her head was filled with Mike—not Tom.
    A few days after New Year’s, Mike and Anne Marie ate at the old Charcoal Pit in Brandywine Hundred. Funny—Louie Capano owned it now, and it was still doing great business with both high school kids and people who remembered it from their youth. It had been more than a dozen years since Anne Marie waited tables there, and many good things had happened to her since then. She had a home now and a wonderful job and, she hoped, a future with Mike. They had fun together that night. Being with Mike wasn’t anything like the tense and often miserable times with Tom. But then, Mike wasn’t trying to keep her on a leash that steadily grew shorter.
    D ELAWARE was hit by a roaring blizzard on January 8, and Anne Marie and Mike drove a friend of his to Dover, taking the drift-laden back roads in Mike’s four-wheel drive. Anne Marie noted it whimsically on her calendar: “Death ride with Mike!”
    Tom wanted to see Anne Marie on January 11; she avoided him by staying all night at Kathleen and Patrick’s house. She was late to work the next morning because Jackie Steinhoff had, of all things, an attack of gout and was in terrible pain; Anne Marie took her to several clinics before she found one that was open. She contacted Tom as soon as she got to the office to apologize for not being home the night before. What Anne Marie E-mailed to Tom was all true, but she resented having to account for every minute of her time. And like Debby MacIntyre, Anne Marie always seemed to be apologizing to Tom.
    Tom’s E-mail to Anne Marie was rife with minute instructions on what she must do and references to their old times together. On January 15, he said he was on his way to two of his daughters’ basketball games, “so don’t worry about calling me until this afternoon after they all leave for Dover. Please call me so we can touch base. . . . Let me know if I can call you on 6636. Te Amo. [I love you, in Spanish.] Oh, forgot to tell you we also had the Olde Bay fries at DiNardo’s and we dipped them in barbecue sauce. They were outfuckingstanding.”
    Tom appeared uninvited at her apartment the next night, and Anne Marie could not shut him out, even though it made her ill when he tried to touch her. Her E-mail to him the next morning was studied and demonstrated her constant conflict about her desire to be free of him and her concern about hurting him.
    Good Morning Tommy:
    I want to apologize for my “outbreak” last night. I’m sure it must have scared (amongst other feelings) you. Quite honestly, I scared myself last night. Tommy, I had a lot on my mind last night regarding my appointment w/ Gary Johnson. . . . Right now, I need a friend more than anything else. There was a part of me that just wanted to be alone to think things out clearly. So, when I asked you not to rub my stomach, and you responded with how much I hurt you, I couldn’t take feeling guilty about that with everything else that I am feeling. It is my fault because I was not communicating with you, and you didn’t know how to respond. I am sorry for my behavior. Please try to understand that right now I have some things that I need to “work out” but I’m not sure where or how to start. I know that I am not ready to check into a Clinic, and confront my family, friends and coworkers about my situation. Blah. Blah. Blah. I am not making any sense (as usual) so I am going to sign off. Annie
    Sadly, Anne Marie had once again given Tom too much information about herself, and thus, more weapons to use against