Angels of Darkness

motions seeking some fleeting pleasure. With Marc, it had been all fire.
    But only because his control had slipped, and he hadn’t been able to resist.
    He hadn’t wanted to be her lover; she’d known that. She didn’t know whether he’d pretended to be her friend, though. Maybe he’d just tolerated her. All of those polite human rituals coming to the fore, stopping him from telling her what he really thought of her.
    The bastard.
    Though Marc nodded in response to her answer, he still had that slightly faraway look, as if trying to work something out without actually asking her. And she realized—his question hadn’t been about their friendship. It had been about her leaving , about being rid of him.
    Did he not know? Did he truly never realize? Disbelieving, she shook her head. “You thought that was why I left? That I thought you’d just been my friend until you got what you wanted? Or maybe—did you think that I had gotten what I wanted?”
    His jaw tightened, and a slight flush rose beneath his skin. “Or that you realized that I couldn’t give it to you.”
    A hard, bitter laugh shot from her. Oh, God. “Marc, you left me in bed and went to pray. You asked for forgiveness for having sex with me.”
    â€œAh.” He closed his eyes as if seeking out the memory, and his uncertainty became chagrin. Mildly embarrassed, but not sorry. The asshole. “I prayed a lot in those days, didn’t I? Everything I enjoyed, later I asked forgiveness for. What can I say? I fell in with a bad crowd.”
    A bad crowd of Guardian religious fanatics. No surprise there. Many Guardians went searching for answers after they were transformed, and those who seemed the most certain and the most vocal about those answers were also the most extreme. Radha had tried out several different belief systems, too, though she was over it by the time she met Marc. And she’d known that he’d been influenced by the fanatics—they’d debated several times. But she’d thought he was still looking for answers, not internalizing the ones that had been given to him.
    By calling them a bad crowd, he probably meant for her to laugh, but it still hurt too much. Far too much. And he still didn’t get it.
    She’d understood him, though. Even back then, she hadn’t been surprised that he’d gone to pray. Of course he was conflicted. He’d just broken a vow he’d made to himself. She’d understood that perfectly, and she sympathized with it—that was why she’d followed him. She’d intended to lend her support.
    Instead, she’d discovered exactly how deeply that bad crowd had gotten to him.
    â€œMarc, you prayed for forgiveness for fornicating with an unclean woman.”
    His big body stilled, his face suddenly rigid as he stared at her. Would he come up with an excuse now? There was no excuse. She didn’t care what he’d believed. A heathen, an infidel, okay. She absolutely was. Unclean? No friend thought that.
    â€œRadha . . .” His voice was hoarse, and his throat worked, as if clearing an obstruction. His gaze searched her face before he closed his eyes. “I did say that.”
    At least he didn’t deny it. “I know. I heard.”
    â€œSo you left.”
    â€œMy choices were either to cry in front of you, kill you, or leave. I chose the one I could live with.”
    â€œGod. I can’t . . . God .” He looked at her again, expression tormented. “I can’t take that back. But I’m sorry. I’m damned sorry, Radha. It’s not what I think now, and it was unforgivable to say it then.”
    â€œYes.” Unforgivable. It didn’t matter that his horror and remorse were genuine, that she could feel them pouring from him. It didn’t matter that he’d opened his emotions and lowered his shields in the most vulnerable manner a Guardian had, just so that she could see the truth of what he said now.
    â€œIt’s not enough, but I’m sorry. I had a lot of stupid thoughts then, let a lot of stupid things come out of my mouth, seeing everything as a test of my faith, my dedication—and sex with you as a failure, because I succumbed to temptation. It doesn’t justify anything. It doesn’t excuse anything. But I’m sorry that my stupidity hurt you, and I hope you know that the thought only came then, when I was hating myself for my