Apocalypsis 02 - Warpaint

girl. I will show you who is da boss of da swamp. I gotta hint for you, dough … it’s not you.” He winked at me and that’s what sent me over the edge.
    I dove at him, yelling my best war cry as I went. “Ahhhhhh yaaahhhhhh!” The water slowed me down and gave him the few extra seconds he needed to move. He grabbed me around the arms and pinned them to my sides, taking me and himself down backwards into the water.
    I felt the tepid swamp close in over my head again, filling my eyes and ears with its muck. If I weren’t so mad I would have been disgusted, but right now, all I wanted to do was give him the biggest nut crusher of all time.
    But Bodo had learned fast and well from his time with me in the ring and watching me go head to head with other guys. He closed his legs and turned them to the side, blocking my access. My hands were useless, only able to scratch him a little on his sides, which was totally unfulfilling.
    I did the only thing left to me: I head-butted him underwater. I could hear his muffled yell of surprise and then the loosening of his arms around me. As soon as I could slip a hand out, I used it to grab him by the neck, pulling him up out of the water by his head.
    “Gahhhh!” he sputtered, water flying out of his mouth, a giant red blotch on his forehead.
    “You’re lucky I don’t gouge your stupid eyes out right now, you fucktard,” I growled at him.
    “What is dat?” he said weakly, just letting his body float and be suspended by his head in my hands. “Dat word. Fucktard . Dat’s a new one for me.”
    “Shut up. You deserved it.”
    “I’m not sure dat I did, since I don’t know da word. But I know fuck, so it can’t be good. I thought you liked me.” He rolled his eyes over to me and smiled. It came out as more of a grimace, but I couldn’t stay mad at him. Even when I’d gone after him like that, he still didn’t try to kill me. I would have, had I been in his shoes.
    “Come on, you idiot, let’s get out of this gator toilet.”
    “Toilet? I never thought of dat.”
    “Yeah, well maybe you should have before you caused us both to swim in it.”
    “Dare’s gator doodles in here,” said Bodo, sounding fascinated as he looked around us. “I wonder what dey look like.”
    “You are a complete moron. I’m outta here.” I slogged over to the edge of the hut.
    “Well, I think you haff to decide if I am dat fucktart or a moron. I think it’s one or da udder.”
    “It’s not a fuck tart , you … stupid German guy. It’s tard , as in retard.”
    “Oh. Well. Dat’s not very nice, is it? To make fun of people who have dat problem.”
    I instantly felt ashamed. “It’s just a word, Bodo. I’m not making fun of special needs kids.”
    “Okay. If you say so.”
    I sighed heavily as I pulled myself up onto the floor of the hut, lamenting the fact that my very smelly shoes had just been notched up to stink level ten on a scale of ten. There’s no way I was going to be able to sneak up on the canners when they could smell me from a mile away.
    “I need new shoes.”
    “I’ll get you some. What size?” asked Peter, standing next to me.
    I looked up at him frowning. “Oh, so you’re going to hop on over to Walmart and get me a pair?”
    “No, stupid. I’m going over to the supply hut to get you some new Miccosukee shoes. They’re awesome.”
    I frowned at him as I wrung my hair out. “How come you’re not wearing them?”
    He sniffed delicately. “I’m waiting on my custom pair to be finished. But I know you don’t care about fashion, so you can wear the kind they keep on the shelves.”
    “Uh, thanks,” I said, quite sure it wasn’t a compliment. “Fine. I wear a seven.”
    “Size seven moccasins, coming right up.” Peter tapped his leg so Buster would follow him and disappeared into the trees.
    “Size fourteen for me!” shouted Bodo at his back.
    “Okay!” we heard back. “But I’m not sure they make Sasquatch size or not!”
    Bodo put his hands on the edge of the hut floor and boosted himself up out of the water, flipping himself around to land on his butt at the edge, his legs dangling over.
    “Well. Dat was refreshing.” He grinned at me.
    I shook my head. “Are all Germans insane?”
    “If insane means fun, den yes. We are all da life at da party.”
    “No, insane means nuts. Crazy. Annoying…”
    “Cute?”
    “No. Not cute.”
    He leaned a little towards me, fixing me with his eyes. “Come on now, Bryn. You can’t