Apocalypsis 02 - Warpaint

hawks to hunt. Maybe Buster can be my ferret.”
    “How does that work? Seems like ferrets would be on the menu for a hawk like yours.”
    “Da hawk learns dat with the ferret going into holes and scaring out da little furry animals for hiss dinner, he can chust be friends. If he eats da ferret, dat’s chust one meal. If he doesn’t eat da ferret, it’s lots of mealss. It’s a very easy math for her.”
    “Hawks that do math. And I thought I was stupid before .”
    “Don’t worry. Many people underestimate da value of da hawk. I triedt to explain to my old friends, dat dey didn’t need to hunt for anything. We could do it all with da hawks. But dey didn’t listen. Dey chust saw a big tanksgiving turkey on my arm.”
    “That’s so sad,” I said. And I meant it. “People can be so short-sighted sometimes.”
    “Yes. Dey can. But not me. I see da long vision. Dat’s why I’m with you.”
    That one had me flummoxed. I couldn’t figure out what the heck he was talking about. Peter had caught up to us, and before I could ask for clarification, he chimed in.
    “Smart move. Me too.”
    “What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.
    Peter shrugged, talking without emotion. “You’re strong, fit, positive, mentally healthy. Beautiful. Bodo would be stupid to let you go. Girls like you will be the beginning of a new human race. I would be stupid to let you go because you can protect me and make sure I stay fed and sheltered. You’re a nice person like that. You feel responsible for those weaker than you.”
    “You’re not weak, Peter.”
    “Not emotionally. Not all the time. But physically, yes, I am. Let’s not lie to each other.”
    I looked his twiggy arms that were about as big around as my wrists. “Okay, so you’re a little on the puny side. But that’s not the only strength that counts out here in this wacky world.”
    “I know. That’s another reason we need to stick together. I can help you keep your head on straight and so can Bodo.”
    “You guys afraid I’m going to go crazy on you?”
    “Well, you could. Sometimes you’re wound as tight as a spring. But Bodo’s pretty good at picking fights with you when you are, and when that doesn’t work I shame you into being fair. It’s a little sad, admittedly, but it works for us.”
    I shook my head, realizing that pretty much everything he said was true, even if I didn’t agree with the me being beautiful part. “We are the epitome of a dysfunctional family.” I wasn’t sure whether to be proud or sad.
    “Nah. We are the new definition of family. And we function just fine as far as I’m concerned.”
    I thought about it for a second before saying, “Me too.” I slung my arm over Peter’s shoulders in easy friendship, deciding not to let my weirdness ruin what I thought was meant to be a happy time for us. His bones pressed into my flesh. “Wow, you are boney.”
    He shrugged me off. “Shut up. Where’s this bird, anyway?” he said louder, trying to catch Bodo’s attention.
    “Chust a little farther. Keep your shoes on.”
    Peter whispered to me. “Where does he get this stuff, anyway? Isn’t it pants? Aren’t we supposed to keep our pants on?”
    “Maybe for Bodo shoes are more important. Maybe it’s a German thing.”
    “You know, Chermans can hear very good. You are talking about me not very nice, I know it.”
    “We were just talking about your creative colloquialisms,” said Peter.
    I had no idea what that word meant, but it was fun to mess with Bodo, which is exactly what Peter was trying to do.
    “Is dat like a fucktart?”
    “What?” asked Peter, half choking.
    “Fucktart. Dat’s a new word I learned today. Isn’t it a good one?”
    “I told you before, Bodo,” I said, “it’s not fuck tart . It’s fuck tard . And you were right before. It’s not a nice word, so stop saying it.”
    “I didn’t say fucktart. Dat was you. You are the lady saying all the fucktart words today. Or moron. She likes dat one, too. I think it means boy I luff .”
    “Wow. You guys have one of the most messed up relationships I have ever seen,” said Peter, shaking his head. “Seriously. You fight to lighten the mood. You call each other names …”
    “And we take showers togedder sometimes. Don’t forget dat.”
    “Shut up, Bodo!”
    “You do? Ew. That’s a public shower, you know.”
    “We do not take showers together.”
    “Yesss weeee doooo … ”
    “One time! Okay? One time. And it’ll never happen