Apocalypsis 04 - Haven

for people but also animals and everything those two groups brought with them. It was a nightmare of details that I was more than glad to leave in Peter’s capable hands. I probably shouldn’t have been surprised, but he was already on top of things and had somehow managed to find the other OCD kids in our community to jump on all the details and scheduling with him. They were all shiny happy people on a mission when I left them to go find Bodo.
    I’d avoided looking for him earlier because I figured he was probably out just doing his morning thing, and if he was taking extra long it was because he had a lot on his mind. But when it became obvious he was missing for a much longer period than he should have been, I knew I couldn’t avoid our confrontation any longer. It was time for me to pay the piper for my serious lapse in judgment and control.
    I walked outside and started a tour around the exterior of the compound. It was a huge place, but something told me he’d be in the spot we’d talked about making into a garden. Sure enough, as I came around the corner of the building I saw him there, just standing and staring at the ground.
    The closer I got to him, the more nervous I became and the sicker I felt. Is this going to be the end? Is he going to tell me he doesn’t love me anymore? We lived in this strange, new world where the rules of our former society didn’t necessarily apply in a lot of ways. But I was pretty sure that me kissing another boy would feel the same for him, regardless.
    I’d hurt Bodo, and I couldn’t blame him if he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I was going to have to live with whatever decision he made, but I hoped it would be to stay together. I couldn’t imagine how awkward and painful it would be to see him every day and not be with him, or worse, to see him with another girl. Even the thought of it made me want to barf.
    I walked up beside him and stopped. I said nothing, hoping he’d start the conversation, but after a while I couldn’t wait anymore. Someone had to break the ice.
    “Are you willing the ground to start growing things?”
    “No. I am making plans in my head.”
    “What kind of plans?” I hated how weak my voice sounded. How needy it was. I’d somehow turned a conversation about vegetables into a plea for our future or something.
    “Some plants need a lot of sun. Some need da shade. I haff to arrange da plants so dey can help each udder.”
    I nodded, not really sure what he was talking about but just grateful that he was speaking to me.
    “Whenever you’re ready for the seeds, just let me know.” Of course he knew this already, that all he had to do was ask, but I was trying to fill the space between us with words. The silence was so awkward it was painful.
    “We needt water first. Enough for the peoples and the plants.”
    I nodded. “Tell Peter. He’ll make sure it makes it into his plans.”
    I stood there, staring at the ground with him for a while and then at the sky. It was blue as far as I could see, perfect weather for burying bodies. I was looking forward to getting that grisly task finally done.
    My mind eventually came back to my more immediate problem, and I took a moment to look at Bodo’s profile. His face was set in a stern mask, all traces of humor and playfulness gone. He was like a different person - older, intimidating almost. He was beautiful, too. The angles of his face, high cheekbones, and strong brow hinted at his German heritage. The outline of his well-muscled chest was easily visible beneath his thin t-shirt. He’d make a great partner in this new world and a great dad if he ever wanted to have kids. It made my heart ache that I probably screwed it up with him. I couldn’t stand there silently anymore, or I was going to start bawling.
    “Are we going to talk about this, Bodo?”
    “Talk about what?” His jaw muscle twitched in aggravation.
    Maybe I should have ignored it, but I figured it was better to just get things over with, whatever they might be.
    “Us. About what I said to you last night.”
    “What is there to say?” He shrugged, like it didn’t matter, but his muscles were so tense they screamed angry boy at me.
    “Plenty, probably. You could say I hate you, or I never want to see you again, or I think we should see other people …”
    He looked at me, all seriousness, the only visible sign he was feeling emotion the flaring of his nostrils. “There are other things, too.”
    “Like what?”