As The Pig Turns

been for her.
    ‘I see you’ve got a private bathroom,’ she said.
    ‘Want to use it?’
    ‘No, not now. See, it’s like this. All Tulloch has to do to get at you again is put on a white coat and look like a doctor.’
    ‘There’s a police guard outside.’
    ‘That wouldn’t matter if Tulloch disguises himself a bit, pinches some doctor’s outfit and name tag. Quick stab in your arm with a syringe and it’s goodbye, Simon, hello, psycho.’
    ‘I wish you hadn’t come,’ said Simon. ‘I didn’t think it was possible to be any more frightened than I am, but you’ve just proved it’s possible.’
    ‘Listen! I’ll come back here towards the end of visiting hours. You distract the copper by calling him to the window and saying you thought you saw Tulloch outside in the grounds. I’ll nip into the bathroom and stay there for the night on guard.’
    ‘Agatha! Tulloch is as strong as an ox. You’d never be able to overpower him, and he’d probably have dealt with that poor policeman.’
    ‘Don’t you worry about that.’
    ‘You’re crazy!’
    ‘Then lie there and tremble for all I care.’
    ‘Okay,’ said Simon reluctantly. ‘I can do with all the protection I can get.’
    Agatha went from the hospital to her office. She did not plan to tell any of them or Charles of her plans. If anyone was going to be put in danger, then it would be herself.
    Toni was still resting at the vicarage. She gave Phil and Patrick a few jobs to clear up, dictated letters to Mrs Freedman and then said she felt a bit shaky and would go home and rest.
    Just before the end of visiting hours, she arrived carrying a large bag containing two flasks of coffee and a packet of sandwiches. At her signal, Simon called to the policeman that he thought he had just seen Tulloch. The policeman came rushing in to join him at the window, and Agatha nipped into the bathroom and closed the door.
    Simon came in later to clean his teeth. ‘It may have backfired. All that happened was that there were police all over the hospital for most of the evening.’
    ‘There are four police guards at the entrance,’ said Agatha.
    ‘Good,’ said Simon. ‘Now, I have to pee.’
    ‘I’ll turn my back and promise not to peek,’ said Agatha, ‘and keep your voice down.’
    The night wore on. Agatha drank cup after cup of coffee, willing herself to stay awake. Sometimes she could hear footsteps in the corridor outside and stiffened, waiting. She longed to be able to go outside and check if the policeman was still alert and on guard. There should have been two of them, she thought. What if he wanted to go to the loo? Her heart sank. The intelligent thing would be to use the loo in Simon’s bathroom.
    Her eyes were just beginning to droop when she heard voices outside. She opened the bathroom door a crack.
    ‘Thought you’d never get here,’ she heard what she recognized as the policeman’s voice say. ‘I’m knackered. Don’t recognize you. You’re not from headquarters.’
    ‘Over from Worcester,’ she heard another voice say. ‘They’re drafting us in from all over.’
    Agatha trembled. Didn’t that new voice have a slight Scottish burr?
    Simon was fast asleep. How could he sleep in the middle of all this? thought Agatha angrily.
    She kept the door open a crack. A man in police uniform was cautiously approaching the bed where Simon lay. And then, horrified, Agatha saw the glimpse of a syringe in his hand. She seized a porcelain bedpan and crept up behind him. As he gently pulled up the sleeve of Simon’s hospital nightgown, Agatha smashed the bedpan down on the back of his head.
    Simon woke up with a scream. Agatha bent down and heaved the now unconscious man over. Tulloch! Footsteps could be heard racing along the corridor, and suddenly the room was full of policemen.
    ‘It’s Tulloch!’ said Agatha. ‘I hope I haven’t killed him.’
    Tulloch groaned and tried to sit up. A hospital trolley was brought in, and he was handcuffed to it and wheeled away for treatment.
    It transpired that the policeman who had left thinking his tour of duty was over had told the police at the entrance to the hospital that he had been replaced by a man from Worcester. He was told he was supposed to be replaced by a policeman from Mircester, and they had all rushed back up to Simon’s room in time to find Agatha holding a bedpan and Tulloch on the floor.

Epilogue

    Agatha Raisin was not a heroine. That was borne firmly in on her by Inspector