Big Breasts & Wipe Hips: A Novel

morning dew, like cicadas that live in trees.
    In the eyes of the villagers Taoist Men was half man, half immortal. He moved about secretively with light, nimble steps; his head was bald and shiny, like a light bulb, his white beard bushy thick. He had lips like a little mule’s and teeth so bright they glittered like pearls. Both his nose and his cheeks were red, his white eyebrows as long as a bird’s wing feathers. Every year he appeared in the village on the day of the Winter Solstice to carry out his special responsibility of choosing the “Snow Prince” during the annual snow market — or more appropriately, the Snow Festival. This Snow Prince was required to fulfill sacred duties at the snow market, for which he received considerable material rewards, which is why all the villagers hoped that their sons would be chosen.
    I — Shangguan Jintong — was chosen as that year’s Snow Prince. After visiting all eighteen villages of Northeast Gaomi Township, Taoist Men had selected me, proof that I was no ordinary boy. Mother wept tears of joy. When I was out on the street, women looked at me with reverence. “Snow Prince, oh Snow Prince,” they’d call out sweetly, “when is it going to snow?” “I don’t know when it’s going to snow, how could I?” “The Snow Prince doesn’t know when it’s going to snow? Ah, you don’t want to give away Nature’s secrets!”
    Everyone was looking forward to the first snowfall, especially me. At dusk two days earlier, dense red clouds filled the sky; on the following afternoon, snow began to fall. Starting out as a mere dusting, it grew into a full-fledged snowstorm, with flakes the size of goose feathers and then downy little balls. Huge drifts of falling snow, one on top of the other, blotted out the sun. Out in the marshes, foxes and a variety of canines cried out, while the ghosts of wronged individuals roamed the streets and lanes, wailing and weeping. Wet, heavy snow pounded the paper coverings of people’s windows. White animals crouched on windowsills, beating the lattices with their bushy tails. I was too restless to sleep that night, my eyes filled with many strange sights; I won’t say what they were, because they would sound too mundane to someone who didn’t see them.
    It was barely light outside when Mother got out of bed and boiled a pot of water to wash my face and hands. As she cleaned my hands, she said she was tending to the paws of her little puppy. She even trimmed my nails with a pair of scissors. Once I was all cleaned up, she stamped my forehead with her thumbprint in red, like a little trademark. Then she opened the door, and there was Taoist Men standing in the doorway. He’d brought along a white robe and cap, both made of glossy satin, softly pleasing to the touch. He’d also brought me a white horsetail whisk. After outfitting me, he told me to take a few steps around the snow-covered yard.
    “Marvelous!” he said. “This is a true Snow Prince!”
    I could not have been prouder. Mother and Eldest Sister were obviously pleased. Sha Zaohua gazed at me with a look of adoration. Eighth Sister’s face was adorned with a beautiful smile, like a little flower. The smile on Sima Liang’s face was more like a sneer.
    Two men carried me on a litter with a dragon painted on the left side and a phoenix on the right. Wang Taiping, a professional sedan bearer, led the procession; he preceded his older brother, Wang Gong-ping, also a professional sedan bearer. Both brothers spoke with a slight stammer. Some years earlier, they’d tried to avoid conscription into the army, Taiping by cutting off the first finger of his own hand, Gongping by smearing red croton oil over his testicles to make it appear as if he had a hernia. When the village head, Du Baochuan, saw through their hoax, he pointed his rifle at them and gave them a choice between being shot and going up to the front lines as stretcher bearers, carrying wounded soldiers on their backs, and transporting munitions. They stammered incoherently, so their father, Wang Dahai, a mason who had fallen from a scaffold during the construction of the church and wound up crippled, chose for them. The two men carried their loads with a quick, steady gait that earned for them high marks from their superiors, and when they were demobilized, their commander, Lu Qianli, wrote references for them. But then Du Baochuan’s younger brother, Du Jinchuan, who had gone to war with them, died of a