Big Breasts & Wipe Hips: A Novel

city’s residents to learn from the path-breaking spirit of the Eastern Bird Sanctuary, to walk where others have not trod before and to produce something new and different. What do we mean by reforms? What does it mean to open up? It means to think and act boldly. There may be things you cannot think of, but nothing you cannot do. The Eastern Bird Sanctuary is in the process of implementing their ‘Phoenix Plan.’ By crossbreeding ostriches, golden pheasants, and peacocks, they plan to produce a bird that so far exists only in legend — a phoenix.” Having grown addicted to orating, the more she spoke, the more frenzied she grew, like the hooves of a horse that cannot stop running. The government witness and the policemen all stood transfixed. The reporter from the municipal TV station, a man with a well-deserved reputation as subordinate to the head of the Radio and Television Bureau, Unicorn, had his camera trained on Mayor Lu Shengli and the honored guests. Reporters from local newspapers abruptly snapped out of their trance and began running around, kneeling and standing to snap pictures of the dignitaries.
    Finally, Sima Liang spotted Mother, who was lying in front of the pagoda, bound hand and foot. He stumbled backward and his head rocked from side to side. Tears all but spurted from his eyes. Then he fell to his knees, slowly at first, quickly prostrating himself just as his kneecaps touched the ground. “Grandma!” he said with a loud wail. “Grandma …”
    There was nothing contrived about his weeping, as his tear-streaked face proved, that and the snivel running from his nose. With her failing eyesight, Mother tried to focus on him. Her lips quivered. “Is that you, little Liang?”
    “Grandma, dear Grandma, it’s me, Sima Liang, the boy you nursed as an infant.” Mother tried to roll over. “Cousin,” Sima Liang said as he got to his feet, “why have you trussed my grandmother up like that?” “It’s all my fault, cousin,” Lu Shengli said awkwardly. Then she turned to Qin Wujin and hissed through clenched teeth, “You sons of bitches!” Qin’s knees began to knock, but he managed to hold on to our celadon bowl. “Just wait till I’m back in my office — no, I’m not going to wait. You’re fired! Now go back and write a self-criticism.” She bent down and started untying Mother; when she encountered a knot she couldn’t undo, she loosened it with her teeth. It was a touching scene. After helping Mother to her feet, she said, “I’m sorry I came so late.” Mother had a puzzled look on her face. “Who are you?” “Don’t you recognize me, Grandma? I’m Lu Shengli.” Mother shook her head. “You don’t look like her.” She turned back to Sima Liang. “Liang, let me touch you. I want to see if you’ve filled out.” Mother stroked Sima Liang’s head. “You’re my little Liang, all right,” she said. “People may change over the years, but not the shape of their skull. That’s where your fate is determined. You have plenty of meat on your bones, my child. You seem to have done well for yourself. At least you’re eating well.” “Yes, Grandma, I’m eating well,” Sima Liang sobbed. “We’ve risen out of our hardships, and from now on you can relax and enjoy the good life. Where’s my Little Uncle? How is he doing?”
    Sima Liang and I were nearly face-to-face. Should I continue with the mental case act or should I let him see me clearheaded? After a separation of nearly forty years, seeing me as a mental case would be hard for him to take, and I decided that my childhood friend deserved to see me as a normal, intelligent human being. “Sima Liang!” “Little Uncle!” We embraced. His cologne made my head swim. After stepping back, I gazed into his shifty eyes. He sighed, like a man of great wisdom, and I spotted the marks of my tears and snivel on the shoulder of his neatly pressed suit. Then I saw Lu Shengli thrust out her arm as if she wanted to shake my hand; but the minute I stuck mine out, she pulled hers back, which both embarrassed and enraged me. Shit, Lu Shengli, you’ve forgotten your past, you’ve forgotten history! And forgetting history means betrayal. You’ve betrayed the Shangguan family, and a representative of — who can I represent? No one, I guess, not even myself. “How have you been, Little Uncle? The first thing I did after I arrived is ask around about you and Granny.” Like hell! Lu Shengli, you inherited the wild