Big Easy Bonanza

raised his eyes.
    “What can I do for you today, gentlemen?”
    Protocol dictated that the plaintiff talk first, so Tubby began.
    “You’ll remember this one right away, Judge. My client, Sandy Shandell, went to see Dr. Feingold for cosmetic skin treatments. The treatments were supposed to darken his skin color. This was for cosmetic purposes. There is no medical basis for performing treatments like these, still…”
    “Your Honor,” Guyoz, the insurance company’s lawyer, interrupted, “that’s absolutely not true. It’s experimental, but Sandy Shandell signed all of the necessary disclosure and consent forms.”
    Judge Maselli held up his hand and stopped Guyoz. “One at a time. Mr. Dubonnet can finish what he has to say. Then you’ll have your turn.”
    “All right, Judge,” Tubby resumed. “In any case, the treatments—if that’s what they were—were a disaster, and Mr. Shandell is left with these grotesque splotches all over his body. He’s an entertainer…”
    “He’s a transvestite stripper,” Guyoz interrupted.
    Tubby spread his arms and put on a helpless look.
    “Let him finish, Mr. Guyoz,” the judge snapped.
    “Yes, Your Honor,” Guyoz said.
    “It’s true he’s a dancer, but he’s a popular one. He makes an excellent income. Now, as a result of what the doctor did, he is often too inhibited to perform and needs reconstructive surgery. Even with that he’ll never be the same. We calculate his lost income to be in the neighborhood of two hundred fifty thousand dollars and change, his corrective surgery to be at least that much, and for pain, and obviously the tremendous embarrassment he has suffered, three million dollars.”
    “Now, there’s your side.” The judge turned his head, making Tubby think of the turret of a tank. “You can have your say now, Mr. Guyoz.”
    “Thank you, Judge. What we have here is an outrageously inflated claim. Mr. Dubonnet’s client is a sex show stripper…”
    “Dancer,” interrupted Tubby.
    “Dancer, whatever. He or she, whichever may be correct, works in various French Quarter establishments, where people go in for that kind of thing, and she makes tips or whatever people stick in her garters.”
    “Wait a second…” Tubby began.
    “At least that’s what she was doing the night I went there.”
    The judge looked interested.
    “Yes, Your Honor, I went to see how her supposed injuries were affecting her performance.”
    “And?” Judge Maselli raised his eyebrows inquiringly.
    “As far as I could tell, those freaks will pay as much to see a splotchy transvestite as one who looks normal.”
    “Judge…” Tubby began, but he was cut off by Maselli’s raised palm.
    “Mr. Guyoz. We are not going to let this matter, or this trial if we have to have one, degenerate into name-calling, insults, or the use of words like ‘freaks.’”
    “Sorry, Your Honor.”
    “Let me finish. Whether you approve of them or not, these clubs give a certain atmosphere to our city that we appreciate. I understand that you may not be aware of this. In Baton Rouge, where you practice law, they may not do things this way. But you do your cause no good when you use expressions like that. I probably shouldn’t say this, but you also do your cause no good when you acknowledge to me that the plaintiff has a splotchy appearance and when you distinguish that from a normal appearance. If you are conceding that he, or she, is no longer normal, is this case only about the measure of the plaintiff’s damages?”
    “Judge, I do practice in Baton Rouge, but I also keep an office here which I will be frequenting until this trial is concluded. And I am not conceding anything. You should not take my remarks to mean that Shandell has been made any less normal by Dr. Feingold. I’d say she never was normal. What we do know is she wanted to undergo a new and experimental procedure to darken her skin, knowing full well, after being adequately informed, that it had a good chance of failure and that, plain and simple, it didn’t work as well as she wanted. She is not ruined, Judge, and these splotches probably make her even more attractive to the customers of these unique joints.”
    “Mr. Dubonnet, I see you want to talk.”
    “It’s not really about how her customers feel, Judge, it’s how she feels. This is a person with feelings like you or me. She is embarrassed and humiliated about the way she looks, and she can’t do a thing about it. She wanted to be