Bitter Business

upsetting something like this can be. You know, I see a lot of stressful things on my job. I handle life-and-death situations every day.” He leaned so close to me I could smell what he’d had for lunch. “I know how to handle it. I can help you deal with the stress....” I gritted my teeth and grimly evaluated my options. I was debating whether to declare myself HIV positive, a lesbian, or both when the doors to the emergency room swung open and a tired-looking nurse in pink scrubs motioned to us.
    “They want to see you now,” he said, giving my hand a squeeze. “You want me to come with you?”
    “No,” I replied hastily, scrambling to my feet.
    “If I’m not here when you get finished, I want you to call me. All you have to do is dial nine-one-one and tell them you need Frank.” His last line had the polished delivery of a professional.
     
    The doctor’s name was Kravitz, and despite the camouflage of her white coat, I could see that she was pregnant. She saw me in a cramped supply room with a folding chair in one comer. Through the open door I could see doctors in their shirtsleeves and tennis shoes doing their weary dance from treatment room to treatment room while a metallic voice from the PA system urged Dr. Patel to report to the oncology service.
    “Are you a relative?” Dr. Kravitz asked.
    “No, I’m not. I’m just one of the people who found her.”
    “Can you tell me what happened?”
    I described how Dagny and I had found her as best as I could.
    “They said she worked in some sort of factory. What kind was it?”
    “It’s a plating plant.”
    “Did she work near any chemicals?”
    “No. She worked in the office.”
    “And after you found her you immediately called nine-one-one?”
    “Her boss made the call. I turned her over and started CPR.”
    “Had she vomited?”
    “I don’t think so.”
    “Was there any sign of injury or violence?”
    “No.”
    “To your knowledge, did she ever regain consciousness?”
    “Not while I was with her.”
    “And as far as you can tell, she never resumed breathing on her own?”
    “No. Is she going to be okay?”
    Dr. Kravitz looked at me for a moment. “I’m afraid she’s dead,” she said softly. “We pronounced her a few minutes ago.”
    I was quiet for a minute. I wondered how many times the doctor had to break this sort of news. I wondered if it got easier with practice.
    “How did she die?” I asked finally.
    “We don’t know yet. We probably won’t know until we get the autopsy results. I can send a social worker in to talk to you if you feel that would be helpful.”
    “No. I don’t want to talk to anyone.”
    “Are you sure?”
    “I never laid eyes on her before today,” I answered woodenly. “She really was a stranger.”
     
    When I returned to the waiting room Dagny was there. “I’m sorry it took me so long to get here. We were trying to reach her family,” she explained breathlessly. “And did you get a hold of them?”
    “No, not yet. We checked her personnel file. She listed a sister as next of kin, but when we called the number it had been disconnected. We’re still working on it. Do they know what’s wrong with her yet? Is she going to be all right?”
    “She’s dead,” I said, wishing I could think of a less naked way to say it.
    “Dead?” demanded Dagny, staggering backward at the news as if from a blow. “How can that be? She was fine an hour ago. You saw her yourself. How could something like this happen?”
    “They don’t know. They’ll have to do an autopsy.”
    “Oh my God,” Dagny whispered, sinking into a chair. “She was so young, just a kid. I think she was only twenty-two. What could have killed her so fast like that?”
    “They wanted to know if there were any chemicals where she worked.”
    “There are chemicals in the plant, but we’re tremendously conscious of safety. Besides, she worked in the office. She’d never come into contact with any of them.”
    “They also wanted to know whether she used drugs.”
    “I suppose it’s possible,” Dagny replied, obviously still struggling to digest what had just happened. It was hard enough for me, but for Dagny, who had worked side by side with the dead woman, it must have been even worse.
    “I feel so terrible,” Dagny continued. “I don’t know anything about her. I don’t know where she lived or if she had a boyfriend. I was so concerned with the superficial things that annoyed me about her that I never took