Black Dagger Brotherhood 11 - Lover at Last
he opened the far side, cold air rushed in, and then his big body folded itself into the seat beside her own. The door shut solidly, and they turned to each other.
With the interior lights glowing, she was able to get an even better look at him. He was breathing heavily, too, his broad chest pumping up and down, his mouth slightly open. He looked harsh, the thin veil of civility stripped from his features—or more aptly, it had likely never been there. And yet though others would have called him ugly because of his deformity, to her…he was beautiful.
And that was a sin.
“You are real,” she said to herself.
“Aye.” His voice was deep and resonant, a caress in her ears. But then it cracked, as if he were in pain. “And you are with young.”
“I am.”
He closed his eyes again, but now it was as if he’d been struck by a body blow. “I saw you.”
“When?”
“At the clinic. Nights and nights ago. I thought they had beaten you.”
“The Brotherhood? Why ever—”
“Because of me.” His eyes opened, and there was such anguish inthem, she wanted to comfort him in some way. “I would never have chosen for you to be in this position. You are not of the war, and my lieutenant should never, ever have brought you into it.” His voice grew deeper and deeper. “You are an innocent. Even I, who have no honor, recognized that instantly.”
If he had no honor, why had he disarmed himself just now, she thought.
“Are you mated?” he said roughly.
“No.”
Abruptly, his upper lip peeled back from tremendous fangs. “If you were raped—”
“No. No, no—I chose this for myself. For the male.” Her hand went to her abdomen. “I wanted a young. My needing came, and all I could think of was how much I wanted to be a
mahmen
to something that was mine.”
Those narrowed eyes closed again, and he brought up a callused hand to his face. Hiding his irregular mouth, he said, “I wish that I…”
“What?”
“…I were worthy to have given you what you desired.”
Layla again felt an unholy need to reach out and touch him, to ease him in some way. His reaction was so raw and honest, and his suffering seemed rather like her own whenever she thought of him.
“Tell me that they are treating you well in spite of your having aided me?”
“Yes,” she whispered. “Very well indeed.”
He dropped his hand and let his head fall back as if in relief. “That is good. That is…good. And you must forgive me for coming here. I sensed you, and found I was unable to deny myself.”
As if he were attracted to her. As if he…wanted her.
Oh, dearest Virgin Scribe, she thought, as her body warmed from the inside out.
His eyes appeared to latch onto the tree out in the field beyond. “Do you think of that night?” he said in a soft voice.
Layla looked down at her hands. “Yes.”
“And it pains you, does it not.”
“Yes.”
“Myself as well. You are e’er on my mind, but for a different reason, I venture to guess.”
Layla took a deep breath as her heart pounded anew in her ears. “I’m not certain…it is so different from your own.”
She heard his head snap around.
“What did you say?” he breathed.
“I believe…you heard me quite well.”
Instantly, a vital tension sprang up between them, shrinking the space they inhabited, bringing them closer even though neither of them moved.
“Must you be their enemy,” she thought aloud.
There was a long silence. “It is too late now. Actions have been taken that cannae be undone through words nor vows.”
“I wish it were not so.”
“On this night, in this moment…I wish that as well.”
Now her own head turned quickly. “Mayhap there is a way—”
He reached out and silenced her with his fingertip, laying it ever so gently upon her mouth.
As his eyes focused on her lips, a nearly imperceptible growl vibrated out of him…but he didn’t allow it to continue for long, shutting the sound off as if he didn’t want to burden her, or mayhap frighten her.
“You are in my dreams,” he murmured. “Every day, you haunt me. Your scent, your voice, your eyes…this mouth.”
He shifted his hand around and brushed her lower lip with his callused thumb.
Closing her lids, Layla leaned into the touch, knowing that this was all she would ever get from him. They were on opposite sides of the war, and though she knew not the particulars, she had heard enough in the household to know that he was right.
He could not undo what
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