Black Dagger Brotherhood 11 - Lover at Last

ruined
everything
.”
    Blay put his hand on that bunched-up biceps. “No, nothing’s ruined. Don’t say that. You are where you are, and it’s okay—”
    Qhuinn’s head cranked around, leaving its cage of the hand that had remained, his blue and green eyes red rimmed and watery. “I have loved you for years. I have been in love with you for years and years and years…throughout school and training…before transitions and afterward…when you approached me and yes, even now that you’re with Saxton and you hate me. And that…
shit
…in my fucking head locked me down, locked everything down…and it cost me you.”
    As the sound of screeching tires roared between Blay’s ears, and the world started to spin, Qhuinn just kept going. “So you’ll excuse me if I have to disagree with you. It is not okay—it will not ever be okay—and whereas I’m more than willing to live with the fact that I was a walking, talking lie for decades, the idea that it sacrificed what could have been between us…is absolutely, positively
not
okay to me.”
    Blay swallowed hard as Qhuinn went back to staring at the wall of liquor bottles behind the bar.
    Opening his mouth, Blay intended to say something, but instead he just ran that monologue through again from start to finish. Jesus Christ…
    And then something dawned on him.
    If I’m gay, why are you the only male I’ve ever been with.
    Suddenly, all of the blood drained out of Blay’s head as he deciphered the truth in the words he’d so grossly misconstrued. That meant…that that night when he’d…
    “Oh, God,” he said in a low voice.
    “So that’s where I am,” the fighter said gruffly. “You want a drink—”
    The words jumped out of his mouth: “I’m not with Saxton anymore.”

EIGHTY-TWO
    Q huinn wrenched his head around a second time. Surely he couldn’t have heard that…. “What…?”
    “I broke up with him, like, two weeks ago.”
    Qhuinn felt his lids blink a number of times. “Why…wait, I don’t understand.”
    “It wasn’t working. It hadn’t been working for a long time. When he came back that night after having been with someone else? We weren’t together, so he didn’t cheat on me.”
    For some insane reason, all Qhuinn could think of was Mike Myers saying,
Ex-squeeze me? Baking powder?
    “But I thought…wait, you two looked really happy. It used to kill me every night to…yeah.”
    Blay winced. “I’m sorry I lied.”
    “Shiiiiiiit. I nearly killed him.”
    “Well, arguably you were being gallant. He knew that.”
    Qhuinn frowned and shook his head. “I had no idea you two weren’t…well, I already said that.”
    “Qhuinn, I have to ask you something.”
    “G’head.” Assuming he could focus at all.
    “When you and I were together…that night…and then you said you had never…you know…”
    Qhuinn waited for the guy to continue. When he didn’t, he had no idea what Blay was alluding—
    Oh, that.
    Qhuinn couldn’t believe it, but he felt his cheeks redden and warm. “Yeah, that night.”
    “Well, had you never…”
    Considering everything he’d just thrown out there, that little ditty seemed like a minor detail. Besides, the truth was the truth. “You are the first and only male I’ve ever been with like that.”
    Silence from the other guy. And then, “Oh, my God, I’m so sorry I—”
    Qhuinn jumped in, cutting off the unnecessary apology. “I’m not sorry. There is no one I’d rather have had taking my virginity. The first one you always remember.”
    Congratulations, Saxton, you lucky fucking cocksucker.
    Another long silence. And just as Qhuinn was about to check his watch and suggest they take a break from the awkwardness, Blay spoke up.
    “Aren’t you going to ask me why Saxton and I were never going to work?”
    Qhuinn rolled his eyes. “I know it wasn’t problems in the bedroom. You’re the best lover I’ve ever been with, and I can’t imagine my cousin felt any differently.”
    Fucking cocksucking son of a bitch Saxton.
    As he realized the other guy wasn’t saying anything, Qhuinn glanced over. Blay’s blue eyes had an odd light in them.
    “What.” Oh, for God’s sake. “Fine. Why wouldn’t it ever work out?”
    “Because I was, and I remain, utterly and completely and totally…in love with you.”
    Qhuinn’s mouth dropped open. As his ears began to hum, he wondered if he had heard that right. He leaned in closer. “I’m sorry, what did you—”
    “Hey, baby,”