Blood on My Hands

in thought, I idly scroll through the photos on Slade’s phone. They are, for the most part, photos of me. Mixed in are a few shots of young men in military uniforms, no doubt acquaintances from Guard training.
    And then … a photo that causes me to freeze. A young woman’s naked torso, shot from the chin down. A slim body with large round breasts.
    It is an unmistakable glimpse of how much I still don’t know.

Chapter 49
    INTERVIEW WITH DAKOTA ELIZABETH JENKINS
    B —Chief of Detectives, Dennis K. Bloom
    J —Dakota Elizabeth Jenkins
    M —Detective Sergeant Ellis McGregor
    NU —Nurse Elena Sanchez
    TAPE 1, SIDE A
B    Today’s date is September seventeenth and it is now 3:43 in the afternoon. We are in Fairchester County Hospital. Present in the room are myself, Dennis K. Bloom, Chief of Detectives, Soundview PD; Detective Sergeant Ellis McGregor, Soundview PD; Dakota Elizabeth Jenkins; and Nurse Elena Sanchez. Would each of you please identify yourself?
M    I’m Detective Sergeant Ellis McGregor.
J    Dakota Jenkins.
NU    I am Elena Sanchez.
B    Miss Jenkins, would you please state your age and your social security number?
J    You want me to read the number?
B    Yes, please.
J    I am eighteen years old and my social security number is …
B    Miss Jenkins, are you prepared to acknowledge that you have read this form and you acknowledge before myself and Detective McGregor as witnesses that you recognize this form to be your Miranda warning and waiver statement of your rights?
J    Yes.
B    And at this time you do in fact waive your right to an attorney and wish to speak to both myself and Detective McGregor?
J    Yes.
B    Can you tell me what day this is?
J    September seventeenth.
B    And what day of the week?
J    I’m pretty sure it’s Wednesday.
B    And how do you feel right now in terms of your physical condition?
J    Tired and worn out.
B    Are you of sound mind to speak to us?
J    I think so. Yes.
B    Would you please state the reason why you called us here?
J    To tell you what happened with Katherine.
M    When you say Katherine, do you mean Katherine Remington-Day?
J    Yes.
B    And when you say you want to tell us what happened, what do you mean?
J    What I think happened the night she died.
B    When you say “what I think happened,” is that because you’re not sure?
J    I’m sure of some things, but not so sure of others.
B    All right.
J    Where should I begin?
M    Maybe with the things you’re sure about.
J    I’m sure that I took the knife from Katherine’s house.
M    What knife?
J    The knife that was used to kill her. We were in the middle of a fight and I pretended I wanted to make up. But I really just wanted the knife.
B    Why?
J    Why did I take it?
B    Yes.
J    I wanted Slade to scare her.
M    Would that be Slade Lamont?
J    Yes.
B    How would he scare her?
J    He would put a stocking on his head and wear latex gloves and act like he was going to attack her.
B    Where?
J    In the woods behind the baseball field.
B    How would he get the knife?
J    I gave it to him.
B    Why would he agree to take it and scare her?
J    I was having sex with him. And I got my mother to help make sure he received a medical deferment so that he wouldn’t be sent overseas with his National Guard unit.
M    Was your mother aware of why you wanted her help?
J    Oh God, no. I just told her that he was a friend of mine and that he was really scared that the selective service board would deny his disability claim. She said she’d look into it. I don’t even know if she actually did more than that. He had a trick knee and might not have been allowed to go anyway.
B    But he received the deferment?
J    Yes.
M    So you’re saying that he felt he owed you a favor?
J    Yes.
B    Why did you want to scare Katherine?
J    Because I hated her. She was an awful person and liked to scare people and do other mean things to them. I wanted her to have a taste of her own medicine.
B    Why did you hate her?
J    Because I … I also loved her.
B    Sorry?
J    I didn’t want to love her. She wanted me to be like her and I didn’t want to.
M    When you say “be like her,” what do you mean?
J    Be gay. She wanted me to be a lesbian, like her.
B    So you wanted Slade