Brother Cadfael 20: Brother Cadfael's Penance

Philip told us he was here."
    "And Philip does not lie," said Cadfael, repeating what was evidently an article of faith with those who knew Philip, even among his enemies. "No, true enough, he does not lie. He told us truth. Olivier was here, deep under one of the towers. As for where he is now, if all has gone well, as why should it not?, he has friends in these parts!, he should be now in Cirencester, at the abbey of the Augustinians."
    "You helped him to break free, even before the surrender? But then, why go? Why should he leave when FitzGilbert and the empress were here at the gates? His own people?"
    "I did not rescue him," said Cadfael patiently. "When he was wounded and knew he might die, Philip took thought for his garrison, and ordered Camville to get the best terms he could for them, at the least life and liberty, and surrender the castle."
    "Knowing there would be no mercy for himself?" said Yves,
    "Knowing what she had in mind for him, as you instructed me," said Cadfael, "and knowing she would let all others go, to get her hands on him. Yes. Moreover, he took thought also for Olivier. He gave me the keys, and sent me to set him free. And so I did, and together with Olivier I have, I trust, despatched Philip FitzRobert safely to the monks of Cirencester, where by God's grace I hope he may recover from his wounds."
    "But how? How did you get him out of the gates, with her troops already on guard there? And he? Would he even consent?"
    "He had no choice," said Cadfael. "He was in his right senses only long enough to dispose of his own life in a bargain for his men's lives. He was sunk deep out of them when I shrouded him, and carried him out among the dead. Oh, not Olivier, not then. It was one of the marshall's own men helped me carry him. Olivier had slipped out by night when the besiegers drew off, and gone to get a cart from the mill, and under the noses of the guards he and the miller from Winstone came to claim the body of a kinsman, and were given leave to take it freely."
    "I wish I had been with you," said Yves reverently.
    "Child, I was glad you were not. You had done your part, I thanked God there was one of you safe out of all this perilous play. No matter now, it's well done, and if I have sent Olivier away, I have you for this day, at least. The worst has been prevented. In this life that is often the best that can be said, and we must accept it as enough." He was suddenly very weary, even in this moment of release and content.
    "Olivier will come back," said Yves, warm and eager against his shoulder, "and there is Ermina in Gloucester, waiting for him and for you. By now she will be near her time. There may be another godson for you." He did not know, not yet, that the child would be even closer than that, kin in the blood as well as the soul. "You have come so far already, you should come home with us, stay with us, where you are dearly valued. A few days borrowed, what sin is there in that?"
    But Cadfael shook his head, reluctantly but resolutely.
    "No, that I must not do. When I left Coventry on this quest I betrayed my vow of obedience to my abbot, who had already granted me generous grace. Now I have done what I discarded my vocation to accomplish, barring perhaps one small duty remaining, and if I delay longer still I am untrue to myself as I am already untrue to my Order, my abbot and my brothers. Some day, surely, we shall all meet again. But I have a reparation to make, and a penance to embrace. Tomorrow, Yves, whether the gates at Shrewsbury will open to me again or no, I am going home."
    Chapter Fifteen
    In the light of early morning Cadfael put his few possessions together, and went to present himself before the marshall. In a military establishment lately in dispute, it was well to give due notice of his departure, and to be able to quote the castellan's authority in case any should question.
    "My lord, now that the way is open, I am bound to set off back to my abbey. I have here a horse, the grooms will bear witness to my right in him, though he belongs to the stables of Shrewsbury castle. Have I your leave to depart?"
    "Freely," said the marshall. "And Godspeed along the way."
    Armed with that permission, Cadfael paid his last visit to the chapel of La Musarderie. He had come a long way from the place where he longed to be, and there was no certainty he would live to enter there again, since no man can know the day or the hour when his life shall be required of him. And even