Bullheaded

reminding himself to keep his mind on his job. He stared into Heartbreak Hotel’s eyes. Usually it was a dance, where first one moved, then the other, a lead-and-follow dance that led to the gate and out.
    Sometimes it was a battle of wills. The bull weighed in at over a ton. Johnny was a fraction of that. In purely physical terms, he would always lose. It was a mind game of chicken. He knew how to wait out the bull to see who would flinch first, and he always put money on himself.
    The flicker of defeat was so small, Johnny wasn’t sure he’d caught it. He moved to his right. The bull turned to follow and he slid left, leaving the ton of muscle charging to where he’d been. The bull stopped, flicking its ears and tossing its head as if asking where Johnny had vanished to. He got within five steps of the bull before he allowed it to spot him again.
    Again he heard yelling in the background, but forced himself to ignore whatever pointless instructions Cody was belting out. After all, he was the bullfighter and he knew what he was doing.
    There was always fear in the ring. He’d seen the damage an angry bull could do. He’d felt it. But this was what he loved, facing the beast and outsmarting it or outrunning it. He knew the exact instant Heartbreak Hotel gave up the ghost. It was as if the bull was saying, “You’re too good for me, get me outta here, man.”
    That’s when he started sprinting backward, leading the bull to the gate in a zigzag pattern. The bull was fronting only halfheartedly now, although Johnny knew to the onlookers it looked as if it were still in full attack mode. That was the difference in learning livestock from the ground. You just saw things differently.
    Travis had the gate open and Johnny ran into the exit chute, knowing the bull would follow him. He vaulted up onto the fence and over, and it was done. Heartbreak would be given a little time to calm down, RJ would put a halter on it, and the bull would be back to grass very soon.
    He heard applause from the ring and Cody’s voice saying something about needing confidence to ride. He waited ’til Cody was finished spouting off, glaring at him all the while.
    “In a judged sport it’s important to have some flare.” Cody puffed his chest out. “You gotta have confidence in yourself. You have thirty-two seconds each week to show ’em what you got, if you ride in all the rounds.”
    “It’s about timing,” Johnny said pointedly.
    He walked out of the ring and back to the bungalow. Let them fight their own damn bulls. He’d had enough of teaching for the day.

    W HEN Cody walked in, Johnny was on the floor, shirtless and glistening with sweat, doing a seemingly interminable set of sit-ups. While he enjoyed watching the lean torso bunch with muscle and relax, there was a whiff of anger coming off his boyfriend as if he needed to vent his mood other than verbally.
    “You don’t have to do that. We got three months off for the summer break.”
    “I don’t,” Johnny grunted.
    “What do you mean, you don’t? You’ll be riding, yeah—”
    “I’m meeting up with Vern and Reese in Chicago next week.”
    “I thought we decided you were going to stay here for the summer.”
    “You decided.” Johnny’s smile was more challenging than happy. “I didn’t.”
    “Look, you know we need to work the young stock, get them trained up. If we’re going to make it in stock contracting, I have to get some bulls placed to ride this year. I don’t ever want to give up on riding but I have to be prepared for it if the time ever comes.”
    “You may need to retire, but I’m not ready for that yet.” Johnny rolled up onto his feet and went to the bar they’d installed in the doorway and started to do a set of pull-ups. “You’re like the Crypt Keeper of bull riders, you’re so ancient.”
    That stung. In an attempt to hide how much it hurt, Cody joked, “Yeah, thirty is usually the hump, but I’m thirty-two and riding better than ever.”
    “And I’m twenty-three and just starting my run in the Top Cut tour. I’ve gotta keep my face out there. Vern took a chance on me and I have to prove myself to him and everyone else.” Johnny kept doing chin-ups while he talked.
    “You could take the summer off and stay here with me. He’d hire you back after the summer. You’re great with the stock and I need your help. We don’t get to fuck much when we’re on the road when I’m—”
    “Yeah, I thought this was about you