Carnal Innocence

room once.”
    Tucker lifted his glass. “Here’s to Dr. Palamo.”
    “He was good to me, good for me. If I needed to cry, he just let me cry. And when I needed to talk, he listened. He isn’t a psychiatrist, and though he recommended one, I felt so comfortable talking just to him. When he felt the time was right, he had me transferred to a hospital in Philadelphia. It was really more like what they used to call a rest home. My mother told everyoneI was recuperating at a villa on the Riviera. So much more sophisticated.”
    “Caroline, I have to tell you, I don’t think I like your mother.”
    “That’s all right, she wouldn’t like you either. She did her duty, though. She came to see me three times a week. My father would call every night, even if he’d been to visit. The tour went on without me, and the press played up the collapse, and the fact that Luis was now snuggled up tight with the flutist. He did send flowers, along with romantic little notes. He didn’t have any idea I’d seen him with her.
    “It took about three months before I was well enough to go home. I guess I was still a little wobbly, but I felt stronger than I ever had in my life. I began to understand that I’d allowed myself to be treated like a victim. That I’d permitted the exploitation of what should have been cherished as a gift. My talent was mine, my life was mine. My feelings were mine. God, I can’t tell you what an epiphany that was. When the lawyers contacted me about my grandmother, I knew what I wanted to do. What I was going to do.
    “When I told my mother, she was livid. I didn’t just stand up to her, Tucker, which was really all I’d hoped for. I stood in that damn, prissy sitting room of hers and I shouted, I raged, I demanded. Naturally, I apologized. Old habits die hard, but I stuck with what I needed for myself. And I headed south.”
    “To Innocence.”
    “By way of Baltimore. I knew Luis was there, doing some guest-conducting. I called ahead, so he’d be expecting me. Oh, he was thrilled, delighted. When I got to his suite, he had an intimate dinner set up. I threw a glass of champagne at him, then I really cut loose. It felt wonderful. He was incensed enough to follow me out into the hall when I left. The man in the room across the hall—I never did get his name—came out and saw Luis trying to drag me back into the room. He decked him.” With her eyes half closed, she pantomimed a right jab. “One shot to that perfectly chiseled jaw, and Luis was down for the count.”
    “Buy that man a drink.”
    “That would have been proper, I suppose, but I was still revving on instinct. I did something else I’d never done in my life. I grabbed him—a complete stranger— and kissed him full on the lips. Then I walked away.”
    “And how did you feel?”
    “Free.” With a sigh she sat again. There was no trace of the headache, she realized. Her stomach wasn’t knotted, her muscles weren’t tense. “I still have moments, like with that phone call, when I lose that feeling. You don’t dump all your baggage at once. But I know I’m never going back to the way I was.”
    “Good.” He lifted her hand to kiss her knuckles. “I like the way you are now.”
    “So do I, mostly.” Her glass had sweated a ring on the table. Caroline traced patterns in the moisture. “I may never heal the rift with my mother, and that’s hard. But I’ve found something here.”
    “Peace and quiet?” he said, and made her smile.
    “Right. There’s nothing like a few murders to calm things down. Roots,” she said, glancing up. “I know that sounds silly since I spent only a few days here as a child. But shallow roots are better than none.”
    “They aren’t shallow. Things grow fast and deep in the delta. Even when people leave, they can’t pull those roots out.”
    “My mother did.”
    “No, she only sprouted them in you. Caroline.” He said her name softly and reached out to frame her face in his hands. “I hate what you went through. No, look at me,” he insisted when she dropped her gaze. “Part of you still wants to be ashamed of it. And you don’t want me or anybody feeling sorry for you. But I’ve never made a habit of repressing my feelings, so you’ll have to take them as they come. I don’t like thinking about you being hurt or sick or unhappy, but if all those things brought you here—right here where we’re sitting—I can’t be too sorry.”
    Here, right here, she thought, and