Carter Reed

loosely between his feet. “You want to have this conversation now?”
    “Indulge me.”
    He stared at me, studying me. “Why now?”
    I shrugged, turning away.
    He caught my chin and pulled me back. “Why, Emma? What’s going on in that head of yours?”
    I didn’t move from his hold. I wanted to lean into him. I wanted him to wrap his arms around me again and I wanted everything to go away. But it wouldn’t. She was dead. I had felt it. I knew something was wrong, but Amanda convinced me everything was fine. I had bought it. I really thought Mallory was happy somewhere, off with him, but Carter was right. Ben had done all of those things.
    “You’re right.”
    “About?”
    Everything hurt. “About Ben. He said she wanted another man’s touch. I thought he really loved her.”
    “He was sick in the head.” He tugged me closer to him. I closed my eyes when he moved to my neck and pressed a kiss there. I belonged to him. Why did I even fight against it sometimes? A feeling of being claimed, liking it, was mixed with emptiness. Mallory should’ve been alive. She wasn’t. I was, and I was with Carter. I was with my soul mate while she had her baby cut out of her.
    He murmured against my skin, “You tried to save her, but you can’t give your life for hers. She’s gone, Emma.”
    A shudder went through me.
    “She brought Dunvan into your lives. You were all doomed the second that happened.” He pulled on my arm. “You know I’m right. Somewhere in there, you know I’m right. You can be angry at her.”
    My head whipped to his. “She just died.”
    “She died a long time ago,” he said flatly. “You know that. You’ve always known that.”
    I shook my head. “This is why you should’ve let me go. None of this would’ve happened. She might not have met him. I wouldn’t have even been her roommate. Maybe I was supposed to die, Carter. Maybe you weren’t supposed to save me or kill all those guys for AJ-”
    “I killed them for you. They were looking for you. I wasn’t going to let that happen.”
    I shook my head. I couldn’t stop shaking my head. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. She shouldn’t have died like that. I should’ve stayed-”
    He gripped my arms and anchored me in front of him. “Stop it, Emma. Stop it right now.”
    “No. Why didn’t you take her to a safehouse? She could still be alive. Her baby could be alive!”
    “Because there were too many of you. Too many variables. Too many consequences. I couldn’t trust them, any of them.”
    “But—”
    “Too many questions. They would’ve asked too many questions and they couldn’t have lived their lives. Your friend Amanda couldn’t have lived her life. Any of them, they could’ve stabbed us from the inside.” His tone gentled, “I don’t let just anyone in. You should know that, of all people.”
    I shook my head. This wasn’t helping. “She shouldn’t have died—”
    “Stop!”
    “I handed her to him!” I yelled, yanking away from him. “I saved her from one monster and I gave her to another. She never had a chance. She never had a chance, Carter. How am I supposed to be okay with that? She was my best friend. She never drank. She never smoked. Guys were her thing. She went from one guy to the next. She was never loved and I...” I hadn’t stopped any of it.
    “She wasn’t your responsibility.”
    I glared at him. “Then you’re not my responsibility. Then I’m not your responsibility.”
    A scowl came over him, but he remained silent.
    “I loved her. She was family. She was my responsibility. She was broken. You have no idea.”
    His eyebrow lifted. “I don’t know broken people? Bullshit.”
    I froze at his anger.
    “You’ve been broken since AJ died. You were broken even before that, when your parents died.”
    I turned away. I didn’t want to hear this.
    An arm came around my waist and he trapped me, pulling me backwards against his chest. He continued, speaking into my ear, “Maybe this isn’t the right time for this speech, but you’re not responsible for her. You never were. You cared about her and you tried to help her, but that’s all you could’ve done. You’re not a god. You’re definitely not her God. You did what you could do. You went above and beyond for your friend, something I’d be lucky to have. And I’m guessing that she knew it. She knew you were a good friend, but she probably knew you needed to save yourself. You did that. You can’t blame