Chasing Daisy

– staring after me regretfully as I climbed the pit wall before the race. I didn’t even wish him good luck! And then his face goes blurry.
    No! Not this! Not this, now! Where is he? I hastily turn the pages of the paper until I come to the continuation of the story. There are pictures of the crash – the remains of Will’s destroyed car – and there! There is a picture of him and Laura dressed up to the nines on their way to some do or another. I bring the page in close and study it, trying my hardest to ignore the image of Laura at Will’s side. He looks kind of familiar, but no! It doesn’t capture what he’s really like.
    ‘Daisy?’ Holly interrupts my thoughts. I look up at her, tears streaming down my face. And then another memory comes back to me. Luis. Luis angrily stalking over to Will before the race started.
    What did he say to him? I have to know. And then another thought strikes me.
    ‘Luis will take me.’ I leap up and grab my mobile phone from my bag.
    ‘Daisy, what do you mean, Luis will take you?’
    ‘Luis will take me. He can pretend I’m his girlfriend, I don’t give a shit! But I am going to that funeral!’
    The phone rings and rings, and eventually he picks up.
    ‘Luis, it’s Daisy.’
    ‘Hello!’ He sounds surprised to hear from me.
    ‘What time are you going to Will’s funeral?’
    ‘Er, it starts at two o’clock, so we’ll be leaving in an hour, I think. Why?’
    ‘I need you to take me with you.’
    ‘But I, we, there won’t be enough room in Simon’s car.’
    ‘You’ve got a car, haven’t you?’
    ‘Yes . . .’
    ‘So drive that.’
    ‘Daisy,’ he says reasonably, ‘have you thought this through?’ Holly is tense beside me. ‘Laura . . . Will’s parents . . . Do you think it’s that appropriate—’
    ‘Luis,’ I interrupt, steel in my voice, ‘if you don’t take me to his funeral, I never, ever want to see you again.’
    He’s silent for a moment and then he speaks. ‘Give me your address.’
    Even up until the point he rings on the doorbell, Holly tries to talk me out of it. I ignore her, putting on a black dress and brushing my hair before leaving it down, the way Will liked it. I don’t bother with make-up.
    I manage to mumble a brief thank you to Luis when I answer the door, but I can’t meet his eyes and hope that will be enough to convey my gratitude for the time being. We barely speak during the car journey on the way up to Cambridge. I know we have a lot to say – there are still unanswered questions in my mind – but that can wait. Right now, I just need to focus on the job in hand.
    The funeral is being held in one of the grand university churches and from what I can see, Will had a lot of so-called close friends and family.
    I spy Simon, Catalina, the team’s technical and financial directors and their wives, plus a couple of important sponsors. They’re standing together in a group on a pathway near the church entrance, but Luis keeps our distance, waiting for the church to fill before leading me in to a pew at the back. I don’t argue with him. I’m not going to make a scene.
    It’s the most surreal feeling. I feel like I’m in another person’s body, experiencing another person’s emotions. I’m not tuned in to what’s happening at all. There’s a coffin up at the front of the church, and it’s covered with white flowers. Will’s body is inside.
    Will’s body is inside! Oh, my God, Will is dead! My throat closes up and I put my hand on my chest to steady myself. Luis looks across at me in alarm, just as the priest begins to take the service. I try to listen to what he’s saying, but I can hear stifled sobs reverberating through the church. The sound of other people’s pain calms me, bizarrely, and if I don’t think about what is making them cry, I might just be able to get through this.
    A blond man in his early thirties gets up to do a reading. He looks sort of familiar.
    ‘Is that Will’s brother?’ I ask Luis. He glances at me and nods. I know the priest must’ve introduced him, but I can’t concentrate. I don’t take in his words, but instead crane my neck towards the front of the church. There’s a little girl sitting on the second row. Is that Will’s niece? The one who likes In the Night Garden ?
    ‘Why didn’t Will’s brother or sister come to any of the races?’ I ask Luis.
    He shrugs.
    ‘But your family came. Why didn’t Will’s?’ I ignore the looks I’m getting from other