Chasing Daisy

he ever got paralysed.
    Suddenly Will’s parents and Laura are being bustled out of the garages and I watch after them, panicked.
    ‘Where are they going?’ I hear myself ask Holly.
    ‘With the ambulance.’
    ‘I should go.’ I start to move, but she puts her hand on my arm to hold me back.
    ‘Daisy, you can’t,’ she says firmly. ‘Family only.’
    My heart races. Will I even be able to visit him at the hospital?
    ‘Let’s go back to the kitchen,’ Holly says. I hesitate, suddenly tearful. ‘Come on. We can’t let anyone see you like this.’ She helps me to my feet and ushers me across the asphalt outside the garages to the hospitality area.
    ‘I want to go to Will’s room,’ I murmur as we walk through the doors to the hospitality suite. ‘Tell Frederick I’m not feeling well.’
    She nods and lets go of my arm as I rush towards the stairs. Once inside Will’s private room, I close the door and lean up against it, breathing deeply with my eyes closed. When I open them again, I notice the contents of Will’s bag are spilling out on the floor. I need something to do so I kneel on the floor and start to fold up his clothes, placing them in a little pile on the coffee table. I come across the black T-shirt that he was wearing on Thursday night and press it to my nose, breathing it in. It still smells of him.
    In a daze, I fold up the T-shirt and put it, along with everything else, into his bag before zipping the bag up and taking a seat on the sofa. I don’t know how much time passes, but Holly comes in eventually. I stare up at her, my eyes hopeful, but she won’t look at me. Why won’t she look at me?
    ‘Have you heard anything?’ I come to life and ask this question as she kneels in front of the sofa and puts her hands on my knees.
    ‘Holly?’ My voice sounds squeaky, different.
    And then she meets my eyes. Hers are filled with tears.
    ‘No . . .’ I start to say. She tries to pull me in for a hug, but I push her away. ‘No, no, no . . .’
    ‘Daisy, I’m sorry.’
    ‘No, no, no . . .’
    ‘Daisy, please . . .’
    ‘No, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO! NO! NO!’ I start to scream.
    ‘Daisy! Daisy!’ She pulls on me frantically as I stand up.
    ‘NO! NO!’ My hands claw my face, but I can’t feel the pain. All the pain I have is caught up inside me. It’s in my heart. My heart is dying.
    ‘NO!’
    He can’t be . . . He can’t be . . .
    ‘I’m sorry!’ Holly cries, once again trying to comfort me. She grabs my hands, pulling them away from my scratched-raw face, but I fight back, unable to calm down, unable to accept what I know she’s trying to tell me.
    He’s not . . . He’s not . . . He’s not . . .
    My whole world is crashing down around my ears and all I can think about is his face in the darkness this morning. His body pressed up against mine. I want him back. He can’t be!
    I turn to Holly. ‘He’s not, is he? Tell me he’s going to be okay!’
    She shakes her head at me.
    ‘TELL ME HE’S GOING TO BE OKAY!’ I scream.
    ‘Daisy! People will hear!’
    Her words are like a slap in the face. I stare at her in shock. She comes over to me and takes my hands. I let her sit me down on the sofa. Neither of us speaks as I look off into space.
    Finally I break the silence. ‘Where is he?’
    ‘His body is at the hospital.’
    ‘His body? Oh God, oh God, oh God . . .’
    She places her hand on my arm to still me.
    ‘Where’s Luis?’
    She looks surprised at my question. ‘I think he’s with Simon. He won the race,’ she adds and immediately looks mortified as I stare at her with bewilderment. And then I start to cry. I curl up into a ball on the sofa and press my face into a cushion to muffle the sound of my sobs. Thoughts and memories spin fast around my head, so fast that they make me dizzy. Will helping me pick up my scooter in Melbourne after I crashed it . . . Will standing on the landing outside the lift in Bahrain where I handed him his cap . . . Will staring across the table at me as we waited for Holly in Barcelona . . . Will on the stone terrace looking out over the mountains at my nonna’s house . . . Will last night . . . Will last night . . . Will last night . . .
    I vaguely register a knock at the door, but I’m too caught up in my thoughts to care who it is. I stay curled up on the sofa with my face pressed into a cushion as I hear Holly talking to a man – it sounds like one of the mechanics – followed by a shuffling sound. The man leaves