Chasing Daisy

through the channels on the television and almost fall off the sofa when I come across Luis being interviewed. It’s a foreign channel, so I can’t understand much of what’s being said, but he looks distraught. I immediately try to dismiss it as him losing his latest race, but I know in my heart that’s not it. It bothers me for hours until eventually I call Holly.
    ‘Hello!’ She sounds delighted to hear from me. ‘How are you?’
    ‘I’m okay,’ I reply. ‘I just saw Luis on the television.’
    ‘Did you?’
    ‘Yeah. He looked a bit worse for wear. Is everything alright?’
    ‘I thought you didn’t want to hear about Luis?’ I don’t answer so she continues. ‘He hasn’t been that great, to be honest.’
    ‘What, isn’t he winning or something?’ Sarcasm kicks in.
    ‘It’s not that.’ Holly hastily corrects me. ‘Daisy, he pulled out of the last race.’
    ‘He pulled out? What do you mean?’ I’m confused. ‘Was this in Hungary?’ The Hungarian Grand Prix follows the German one.
    ‘Yes,’ she replies.
    ‘What happened?’
    ‘Well, he did this whole speech about how he was going to win it for Will.’
    ‘I bet he did,’ I interrupt nastily.
    Holly continues. ‘But he just couldn’t get it together. He’s lost it, Daisy. He’s devastated about Will’s death. He blames himself.’
    ‘So he damn well should!’ I erupt. ‘It was his fault!’
    ‘Daisy, it wasn’t,’ Holly says reasonably. ‘The FIA’ – that’s the Formula 1 governing body – ‘looked into it and everything.’
    ‘Do they know that Luis called him a prick before the race? No!’ I don’t even give Holly a chance to answer. ‘They bloody well don’t! What happened in Germany?’
    ‘It was almost as bad,’ Holly explains. ‘He qualified sixth—’
    ‘I wouldn’t call that bad,’ I interject.
    ‘But he started poorly and just kept getting overtaken by back-markers. He ended up finishing thirteenth.’
    ‘Boo bloody hoo. I bet Simon wasn’t too happy about that.’
    ‘Simon understands,’ Holly replies.
    ‘And is he still leading the championship?’
    ‘No. He’s slipped down to third.’
    ‘Tough luck.’
    ‘Daisy, don’t be too hard on him . . .’
    ‘Why not? He killed Will! He killed him!’ My head feels like it’s swelling from all the pressure inside of me and then I’m sobbing uncontrollably.
    ‘Daisy, Daisy, I’m sorry . . .’ Holly tries to comfort me in the background, but I’m beyond help. I just need to cry.
    Oh God, I want him back. I’d give anything to have him back.
    ‘Why did he have to die?’ I wail. ‘I miss him, Holly, I miss him so much.’
    ‘Oh, Daisy . . .’
    I eventually calm down and take a few deep breaths while neither of us speaks.
    ‘Are you alright?’ Holly asks.
    I take another raggedy breath and reply that I am. And then I remember the TV interview. ‘What was Luis doing on telly, anyway? You said something about a big speech he did?’
    ‘That’s right. Are you sure you want to hear this now?’ Holly sounds wary.
    ‘Yes. Go on, I won’t break down again, I promise.’
    ‘Well, after, you know, the funeral, the press turned on Luis. He got a terribly hard time about going on to win the race when his team-mate had had such a horrific crash. Simon fears someone from the team leaked the fact that Luis blames himself for Will’s death, because suddenly the tabloids cottoned onto the story and wouldn’t let it drop. Instead of feeling sorry for Luis, they became even more bloodthirsty. They managed to get an interview with Will’s father and he slated Luis for winning at Silverstone.’
    ‘Has Laura spoken to the press?’ I interrupt.
    ‘No.’
    ‘Oh. Go on.’ I can’t even feel angry with her.
    ‘Anyway, Luis did terribly in Germany, refused to do any interviews himself, and the furore finally seemed to be dying down. Then, just before the race in Hungary, an interviewer must’ve caught Luis at a weak moment because he broke down on the grid.’
    I butt in. ‘What do you mean he broke down?’
    ‘In tears,’ Holly explains. ‘He started to cry as he was getting into his car.’
    I’m dumbstruck. I can’t imagine Luis doing that.
    Holly continues. ‘He told the interviewer he was going to win the race for Will.’
    ‘But he didn’t.’
    ‘No, he pulled out after ten laps.’
    ‘Was there something wrong with the car? Was he doing really badly?’ I’m confused.
    ‘No. On the contrary, he started off really