Coda 05 -Paris a to Z

assumed so. It had been ten years, after all.
“None of them ever lived up to you.”

    That I definitely didnt expect.
“How could they not measure up?” I asked. “ I wasnt good enough. Thats why he left me .”
“Thats just it, Zach. You werent good enough, and yet, you were the standard he held every other man up to. And they all came up short.”
“It doesnt make any sense,” I said.
“It does, when you think about it. Until Cole, his relationships always ended for the same reason: because he didnt really want them for who they were . He wanted them for who he thought they could be.” I didnt know about the others of course, but for myself, it fit.
“What about Cole?” I asked.
“Cole was different. Cole was so flighty, and Jon didnt take him seriously at all. He didnt look at what they had as a real relationship. But Cole snuck up on him, and when things started to get serious, Jon did what he always does and started expecting Cole to change. And Cole told him quite clearly exactly where he could stick those expectations, too.”
I couldnt help but laugh. “I can imagine.”
“For the first time ever, Jon quit worrying about making his partner a better man, and started looking at himself. And he realized then that the best way to make himself happy was to make Cole happy first. Thats why Coles so good for him,” he said. He looked over at me with a question in his eyes. “I think maybe thats why your Angelos good for you.”
I was surprised at how much he seemed to know already. “I think youre right,” I said.
“I told Jonny that, too, but he didnt understand,” he said. “He never is as impressed by my brilliance as he should be.” He looked up, past me to the door and smiled. “Speak of the devil.”
“Talking about me, Dad?” Jon asked as he sat down. His tone was half-joking, but his eyes on George were serious.
“We were, but well stop now that youre here,” George said, without a hint of embarrassment. “Whats everybody doing today?”
“Cole and Angelo already left,” I said.
“So did Matt and Jared,” Jon said.
“Really?” I was surprised and a bit dismayed. Served me right for sleeping so late.
“Matt and I went running early this morning, and he said they were doing one of the day trips to Versailles.”
“Oh.” I hoped my discomfort over being left alone with Jon for the day wasnt too obvious. “What are you doing, George?”
“I dont know yet,” he said, “but Im here for three weeks, so dont worry about me. I might just spend the day catching up on my sleep.”
I contemplated my options: trying to find my own way around Paris, sitting alone in my room all day, or spending it with Jon. Maybe I could sit in the bar and get unbelievably drunk. But as it turned out, the choice had been made for me.
“Zach, I booked us on a vineyard tour,” Jon said, and I wondered if the feeling in my chest was joy or fear. “I know it was a bit presumptuous, but you were sleeping, and there wasnt much time. Its a private tour of three Provence vineyards. It leaves in about an hour, and well be back just before dinner.”
My breakfast was suddenly not sitting so well in my stomach, but I did my level best to smile. “That sounds great.” At least Id have a perfectly good excuse to get drunk.
    T HE tour with Jon was simultaneously better and worse than Id expected. Jon and I had always been able to talk easily, and once I managed to
    relax a bit, conversation flowed smoothly. He asked about my family and about Coda. He talked about his moms death and the way his relationship with George had grown.
    We never talked about Angelo. We never talked about Cole.
    By the time we were halfway through the first vineyard, I felt like we were almost back to normal. Whatever “normal” meant. It was surprisingly easy to fall back into old routines, and yet there were subtle changes that emphasized how different things were. He still opened every door for me, but I never felt his hand on the small of my back as he

    entered behind me. He still leaned toward me as we talked, and yet, he stood just a bit too far away. And he still seemed to reach for me when he wanted to get my attention, but he always stopped just short of making contact.
    The worst part was, I found myself missing it. Id always liked that he touched me in public, although in somewhat casual ways. Id liked the way he leaned closer when we talked, making every conversation feel intimate.
    We were served a light lunch at