Coda Books 04 - Strawberries for Dessert (MM)

before that I missed the intimacy of cuddling after sex, but I realized at that moment how good it felt. It felt right. I wrapped my arms around him and held him against me. I turned my head toward him so I could smell his hair, and whispered, “What’s wrong?”
    “Three days,” he said, his voice a shaky whisper in my ear.
    “Three days you made me wait. Why?”
    “I don’t know,” I told him honestly. “I guess I was scared.”
    “I was so horribly afraid that you were never going to call at all.”
    I held him tighter, felt him trembling in my arms. I kissed the side of his head. “I was afraid of that too.”
    “I can’t change what I am.”
    “I know,” I told him. “I don’t know why I ever thought you could.”

    I HAD a lunch date with my dad the next day. I invited Cole to join us, because it seemed like the polite thing to do, but I was a little bit relieved when he declined. I wasn’t sure I was ready to rock the boat between us again so soon.
    “So,” my dad said to me with a sly grin as I sat down across from him at our usual restaurant, “I take it the two of you made up.”
    “How do you know that?” I asked.
    “Because you’re smiling.”
    “Oh.” It made me feel ridiculous, knowing that I was so transparent. I hid behind my menu.
    “It seems like your relationship with him is becoming more serious after all?”
    I peeked at him over the top of my menu. He wasn’t looking at me. He was fiddling with his salad fork. I put my menu down again. “I think it might be.” He sighed, and now it was his turn to pick up his menu and hide behind it. “Does that bother you?” I asked.
    “Of course not,” he said, although I could hear the lie in his voice.
    “It’s none of my business.”
    “You’re right,” I said evenly. “It doesn’t concern you in the least.”
    We sat there for a minute, both of us pretending to read the menu again. Finally he put his down. “I don’t understand, Jon. You know I’ve never really understood that you liked men. And now, you find one that’s—”
    “Don’t you dare say it!”
    He stopped short, seemed to reconsider his words, and then said,
    “He’s not exactly masculine.”
    “And if he’s not your idea of what a man is, then I might as well be with a woman. Is that it?” I asked, doing my best to keep my voice low in the restaurant, despite the fact that I was so angry I could have punched him.
    Luckily for him or maybe for both of us, the waiter showed up then and took our order. Once we were along again, Dad held up his hands in surrender. “Forget I said anything, Jon. Let’s change the subject.”
    “Fine.”
    “Tell me about work.”
    “What about it?” I asked, although I knew I was only being difficult because I was still annoyed at him.
    “Do you know any more about this restructuring? Where you’ll be going, or when it will happen?”
    “No.” The truth was, I had been doing my absolute best to not think of it at all. “I still don’t know anything.”
    “At the rate they’re moving, you’ll be able to retire before they can ask you to relocate.”
    “I couldn’t be that lucky.”

Date: November 8
    From: Cole
    To: Jared
    Fine! I admit it: we made up! Are you happy now? Jonathan realized the error of his ways and begged for my forgiveness. And if that’s not exactly the way it happened, then it’s really no business of yours anyway, is it? Now, for heaven’s sake, please stop gloating. I’ve always thought your humility was one of your better qualities. No reason to go and ruin that now.
    Of course now I’m busy thinking about some of your other better qualities. I won’t elaborate, though, just in case that big bad boyfriend of yours is reading over your shoulder. I’d hate for him to have a coronary on my account.

    WE SPENT the next few days in a blissful, honeymoon-type state that was a little bit ridiculous, but fun, too. I was worried, though.
    November twelfth was my birthday. I had plans to have dinner with my father that evening. I was afraid of hurting Cole’s feelings by excluding him but equally afraid of asking him to join us. I didn’t even tell him about it until the night of the tenth. “You could come with us if you want,” I said guiltily, but he just smiled.
    “I don’t want you to spend your birthday worrying,” he said.
    Right or wrong, I was relieved. Although I doubted it would end as badly as it had the time before, I was happy to know it would not be an