Cook the Books

opportunity to escape his father. I wondered why he was so fearful of his father. Granted, Hank struck me as a pig, but I had the sense something else was going on, something new, maybe, or an exacerbation of something old, but I didn’t know what it was.
    Kyle seemed to take forever in the kitchen. Although in most circumstances I'm more than capable of small talk, I felt intimidated, and Hank said nothing at all; the two of us waited in silence for Kyle to return. When he finally did, I glared at him in annoyance.
    “All right, let’s see what you have here, Chloe.” Hank peered skeptically at my appetizers.
    I succinctly described each dish and then poured myself a hefty glass of wine; if the food didn’t go over well, I could always get drunk and wash away the memory.
    Hank helped himself to an oyster. When I’d put a few appetizers on my own plate, I watched nervously as he lifted the shell and slid the oyster into his mouth. Now I knew how those poor Iron Chefs felt waiting for the judges’ decisions!
    “Outstanding,” Hank proclaimed. “The turmeric and cream are spot on with the fennel and pear.” He nodded thoughtfully. “And perfectly cooked. Nothing worse than an overcooked oyster, for God’s sake.”
    As Kyle beamed at me, the muscles in his face relaxed a bit. “How about this scallop, Dad? Want to try that next?” Kyle took a gulp of wine and then sampled the scallop. “What did you say this was, Chloe? Red pepper jam? It’s very nice.”
    I froze mid-bite and silently willed Kyle to shut up. Didn’t he understand that as the presumed writer of the cookbook, he should know exactly what the dishes were and precisely what ingredients they contained? How could he fail to realize that, in asking me questions, he was giving himself away?
    “Wow! And that little doughy thing looks nice,” he continued. “Cheese and shrimp, right?”
    When Hank caught my eye, I knew that the inevitable would happen, and I quickly looked away. Oblivious, Kyle rambled on about how delightful the appetizers were and how sure he was that his father’s book would be a best seller.
    I drank more wine. “Yes, I think the book will do very well,” I agreed, trying to keep the conversation moving while depriving Hank of the opportunity to speak. “We still have some blanks to fill in, but I know that you have a number of chef and restaurant leads, right, Kyle?”
    “Oh, yes. Dad, I haven’t had a chance to tell you about some of the most recent contacts I’ve made, have I?”
    Hank was finishing a scallop. He set his fork and napkin down. “No, Kyle, you haven’t. But there is something else that concerns me more.” He looked pointedly at his son. I winced. We hadn’t fooled Hank. “You don’t recognize these appetizers, do you? They aren’t the least bit familiar to you.”
    Kyle coughed and set his plate down. “What? Um... what do you...?” he stammered.
    Hank stood up, marched across the living room, and came to a halt, his back toward Kyle. “I should have known. You stupid, incompetent, lazy ass!” The chef spun around. His face was red and his eyes full of anger. “These are from the cookbook, moron!” he shouted. “The book that you are supposedly writing! Remember that one?”
    I hung my head in embarrassment for Kyle, who obviously hadn’t even glanced at the recipes or the chapter that I’d sent him. I couldn’t look at either of the men.
    “No, Dad, that’s not true,” Kyle started. “I just forgot. I didn’t recognize them at first. I mean, there are so many dishes in the cookbook and—”
    “Shut up! Shut your mouth!” Hank barked. “I should have known. Really. I shouldn’t have expected you to do a goddamn thing! Chloe here did all of the work while you did shit. She is the writer, not you. I might as well just rip your name off of this project and hand the whole book over to someone who is actually willing to lift a finger and do something with her life!”
    Okay, yes, I’d wanted to worm my way into becoming an official coauthor, but my plan had spun out of control. Kyle had no excuse for having failed even to read what he was supposed to have written, but he certainly didn’t deserve this humiliating excoriation.
    “No, Mr. Boucher, really!” I protested, willing to forgo my shot at being a coauthor. “I’m just a research assistant. Kyle has collected so much information, including most of the recipes, and he’s made a lot of chef contacts. I’ve just