Counting Shadows (Duplicity)

softer than usual, like he’s trying not to upset me anymore than I already am. Leave it to Farren to see through my stony expression and straight to my anxiety.
    I stare down at my feet dangling off the edge of the balcony. The first time I sat up here, I was terrified. But Ashe had just laughed at my expression and wrapped his arms around my waist, promising to never let go.
    I shake away the memory and stare out at the horizon. Beyond the edge of the castle grounds, I can see the sheer cliff the castle overlooks, and the pounding waves of the ocean far below. Nothing impedes the view, except for the very tip of a guard tower in the eastern corner of the castle.
    Behind me, Farren sighs. “Faye. Come down from there.”
    “I have a greater chance of falling if I move.”
    Farren scoffs. “So you’re just going to stay up there forever?”
    I stare down at ocean, where it pummels boulders close to the shore. One of my first visions was of those boulders towering into the sky. But, like all my visions, it was just the past. Now waves easily wash over the rocks. “Not forever,” I say. “But maybe awhile.”
    “You don’t have awhile. Father is expecting us in the courtyard in an hour.”
    My stomach does a flip, and it’s only because of years of practice that I don’t fall. I finally swing my legs back over the railing, and let myself drop onto the stone balcony. I place a hand on my hip and face Farren.
    He looks princely and perfect, in freshly-pressed clothing and a slim crown in his hair. Which really isn’t fair, since I just woke up half an hour ago and barely had time to pull on a casual dress.
    “He wants to see me?” I repeat. “
Father
?”
    “Yes, Father. You know, the king? The man who raised us?”
    I ignore his sarcasm, as always. “Why does he want to see me? He hasn’t in months.” Ten months, to be exact. I haven’t seen him since the day he ordered Ashe’s arrest.
    Farren sighs and shakes his head. I don’t know how he manages to keep his crown in place, but his dark hair hardly moves, and the crown stays put. “If you paid more attention to castle-life, and stopped spending your time listening to
him
—” He points after Jackal. “—then maybe you’d already know.”
    “Jackal has taught me more than castle-life ever could,” I growl.
    “And now he’s gone insane,” Farren says. “There’s a reason Father banned him from these grounds. He’s a hybrid, he’s dangerous, and you should be nowhere near him.”
    “I’ll be the judge of that.”
    Farren scoffs. “And what makes you think you can trust your judgment?”
    “What makes you think I
can’t
?”
    “Well, for one, you’re putting yourself in danger by chasing after Ashe’s killer. And for two, you’ve become completely and utterly oblivious.”
    I know his words are bait, but I can’t help but to take it. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
    “It means you’re Choosing your new Guardian today. And, if you weren’t so busy chasing after this nameless killer and socializing with an insane man, you’d be prepared.”
    My body dissolves into shivers, and it’s not from the tidal breeze washing over the balcony. “I have one Guardian,” I somehow manage to growl. “And now he’s dead. I
won’t
take another.”
    “You have to. Father demands it.”
    I swallow hard, and it takes me a moment to realize I’m holding back tears. Part of me wonders if this is some kind of cruel joke. In Irrador, Guardians are the bodyguards of royal women. Only they’re
more
than that. They’re friends, confiders, and protectors for all eternity. Most women take their Guardians as husbands, and I would have done the same with Ashe.
    Except now he’s dead.
    Farren clears his throat, breaking into my panicked thoughts. “You have less than an hour to get ready for the ceremony.”
    “I’m not going.”
    “Yes, you are. I promised Father you would.”
    I tear my gaze from the ground. “You… Why? Why would you promise that?”
    Farren begins pacing the balcony. “You’re caught up in the past, Faye. I understand mourning, but this is…
obsession
. You have to move on. A new Guardian will be good for you.”
    “I won’t do it,” I whisper. “I won’t replace him.”
    “You’re not replacing Ashe. You’re moving on
without
him. He’s no longer a part of your life, Faye. Start getting used to it.”
    “If my Guardian isn’t a part of my life, then I don’t
have
a life.”
    Farren shrugs.