Covet Thy Neighbor

beliefs? Do you think everyone who’s ever dated has been in one hundred percent agreement on everything?”
    “Of course not. But there are things that are difficult to compromise on. And it’s not just what you believe. Correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you supposed to help people get saved? Evangelize? Convert? ”
    His expression hardened. “I’m not interested in converting you.”
    “Yeah? And how long will that last?” I asked through clenched teeth. “Seriously, how long can you really see yourself being with me when I’m—”
    “If I couldn’t see myself with you as you are right now,” he said, his voice unsteady, “I wouldn’t have started this conversation.”
    My heart plummeted into my feet. “I just don’t see how we could make this work. How I could ever relax into our relationship without waiting for the other shoe to drop.”
    Darren blinked. “The other shoe to drop? What do you mean?”
    “I mean, I don’t know how to not be afraid of what happened with my family.”
    “You mean . . .” He moistened his lips. “You mean, you’re afraid I’d do to you what your family did? Even though I’m gay too?”
    “I know it doesn’t make sense. Not rationally. But the fact is, you’re a Christian. My life was turned on its ass by Christians because of their beliefs. And . . .” I paused, struggling to find the words. “You’re like two sides of a coin for me. You’re the man I can’t stop thinking about and couldn’t stop wanting if I tried. But you’re also the man my family wishes I was, and would take me back if I was. You’re too much of them .”
    The words hit harder than I thought they would. And farther below the belt. And only after they were out, and after Darren’s eyes had widened in Did I just hear what I think I just heard? fashion, did I realize what I’d actually said.
    Then his eyes narrowed again. “So your family and your church booted you out because you’re gay.” The tense undercurrent in his voice made my heart stop. Laid-back Darren at the end of his tether. “So you can’t get involved with me, another gay man, solely because I belong to the same religion they do? Even though every time we’ve even discussed our beliefs, I’ve been just as civil and open-minded as you have? You know, not beating you over the head and proselytizing like they apparently did?”
    I opened my mouth to speak, but what to say? I’d wanted him to finally react to something, to quit being so calm and perfect and unruffled by everything , and now he was coming unraveled faster than I could cope with. Faster than I could adapt to.
    I swallowed. “You don’t think—”
    “You know, I can’t win.” He threw up his hands. “There are Christians who openly and rather vehemently shun me because I’m gay. And then in the gay community, I’m kept at arm’s length because I’m a Christian. No matter which group I’m around, I’m shut out for being one of ‘them.’” And all at once, the anger crumbled in favor of something a lot less hostile and a lot more painful. His voice wavered just slightly as he said, “Do you really think I would ever use my faith as a weapon against you, Seth?”
    I flinched. “Do you think I thought my own family would?”
    “You want to put me in the same category as Westboro Baptist while you’re at it?” The anger was back in full force, but the waver remained, like he was as close to losing his temper as he was to just breaking down. “How is what you’re saying to me any different from what everyone has done to you? Because of a vital part of who I am, a part of me I have never once tried to force on you or even bring into a conversation more than I thought you were comfortable with, you can’t be around me?”
    “I never said I couldn’t be around you. I just don’t see how we could make a relationship work.”
    He snorted. “Yeah. No kidding. When you can’t see me as anything other than ‘one of them’”—he added emphatic air quotes—“just like your family can’t see you as anything other than a gay man.” He shook his head and released a sharp breath. “You know, you’re so worried I’m going to hammer my beliefs down your throat, or try to convert you every chance I get, but do you even listen to yourself, Seth? You brought our beliefs into this, not me.”
    I folded my arms tightly across my chest. “What do you want me to do?”
    “I want you to stop equating me with the people who