Covet Thy Neighbor

couple of joints, and an hour or two of talking like we’d been friends all our lives.
    Just like we had when we’d talked over beers the first night. And when I’d tattooed his back. And while we’d been out hiking together. And after the night we’d gone to the outreach.
    Exactly how I’d always imagined it would be with the perfect boyfriend.
    All the restless energy evaporated, and I sank into the chair, letting my face fall into my hands. How long had I spent psyching myself up to end things with him before they’d really even started? Trying to work up the nerve to find the words to explain why, no matter how much I wanted him, I couldn’t be with him?
    But this wasn’t the right ending. This was never what I’d wanted.
    Seth, your parents cost you a lot of good things in your life . Michael’s words echoed in the back of my mind. Don’t let them cost you this too.
    Oh God. What had I done?
    And what the hell did I do now?

    Twenty minutes later, at the front door of Lights Out, the bouncer gave me a quick nod and waved me in.
    “Jason’s in his office,” he shouted, and I thanked him over the music before heading upstairs.
    As usual, Jason was swimming in paperwork, his shoulder tight and probably painful as fuck by now, but he relaxed a little when I stepped into his office.
    “Hey,” he said. “What’s up?”
    “Want to take a break?” I asked. “I’m guessing you could use it.”
    He eyed me, and I suspected my own tension was written all over me as much as him. He pushed his chair back and rose. Neither of us spoke as we left his office and headed down the hall. Our feet clanged on the metal stairwell up to the roof where his employees took their breaks when it was nice out, and where he and I sometimes hung out when I came by to visit. I may as well have been a damned cat for all the time I spent on roofs these days.
    Jason rolled his shoulders and reached up to rub the side of his neck.
    “Man, you ever going to dump some of that crap on someone else?” I asked. “Before this place kills you?”
    Jason lowered his hand, rolled his shoulder one more time, and then smiled. “Actually, now that the cash flow’s improving, I’m working on hiring someone. Got a few interviews this week, so with any luck? Within two weeks, yes, I’ll be dumping this crap on someone else.”
    “About fucking time,” I said.
    “Tell me about it.” He folded his arms and rested them on the concrete railing. “So what’s up? You look like you haven’t slept in a week.”
    “Pretty close.” I rubbed my own stiffening neck. “You remember my neighbor? The minister?”
    “The one you’re fucking?”
    “ Was fucking.”
    “Oh.”
    I closed my eyes. Rubbed my forehead with the heel of my hand. “You ever done something that made perfect sense at the time, and then after the fact, you realized it was a colossal fuck-up?”
    “You mean like buying a house with my ex?” he muttered.
    “Exactly.” I blew out a breath.
    “So what happened?”
    “I broke it off with him because . . . because after everything I went through when I was younger, I don’t trust religious people.”
    Jason nodded. “So you broke it off with this guy because he’s a Christian?”
    Heat rushed into my cheeks, and I avoided Jason’s eyes. “It made perfect sense until right about the time he was walking out of my apartment. I thought I was doing the right thing by nipping it in the bud, but right then, I realized I’d made a huge goddamned mistake. And now . . .” I ran a hand through my hair. “I have no idea what to do.”
    “Talk to him?” Jason said. “See if you can try again?”
    “Assuming he’ll talk to me.” I rested my hip against the concrete railing. “I mean, I’m not sure we can make it work anyway, but we—”
    “Who says you can’t make it work? Just because he’s a minister?”
    The Seth from a few days ago wanted to lash out and scoff. Just because he’s a minister? That’s a pretty significant thing when I’ve been fucked over by people who buy what he’s selling.
    But it was amazing how insignificant something like that became when the alternative was missing out on someone like Darren.
    I shook my head. “I thought we couldn’t. Maybe we can’t. I mean, think about it. How can we make something like this work? Religious beliefs aren’t something people can compromise on. It’s like having kids: there’s no halfway. But I . . . Fuck, I don’t even know anymore.