Cut and Run 7 - Touch and Geaux

still there.”
    Zane studied him, wishing the distance between them hadn’t grown so full of thorns. He worked hard to swallow past the tightness in his throat.
    The taxi came to a stop and Zane paid the driver as Ty trudged to the hotel entrance. Zane jogged to catch up with him. “Hey,” he called, frustration growing as he followed Ty through the lobby. “Are we going to talk about . . . anything?”
    Ty punched the button on the elevator. He nodded, not meeting Zane’s eyes. The doors opened and Ty stepped in, turning to face Zane. “Do you love me, Zane?”
    The simple question, asked with so little emotion in Ty’s eyes, hit Zane like a hammer in the chest, stealing his breath, making his knees go weak. He stumbled into the elevator before the doors could close on them.
    “Yes. Yes I do.”
    Ty nodded. “And I love you.”
    Zane released the breath he’d been holding. He was relieved to hear that confirmation after all that had happened, after all they’d said and done to each other. “So . . . what do we do?”
    “Well.” Ty swallowed, looking a little sick. “I can’t . . . I can’t sit on your pedestal.”
    “Ty.”
    “No. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing, Zane. I’m not. We’ve both known from the start the only reason you got clean was because I begged you to. You hang on by your fingernails because I expect you to. It’s not fair to you. It’s not fair to me. I can’t be the reason you’re sober, Zane.”
    Zane’s breath came out harsh and shaky.
    “Because I’m not perfect, and the next time I let you down, it can’t be me you’re leaning on. You have to be strong enough to stay off the bottle. For you. Not me.”
    Zane couldn’t meet Ty’s eyes anymore and he averted his gaze to the floor. “I’m not proud of what I’ve done, Ty.”
    “Neither am I,” Ty whispered. He reached out and put two fingers under Zane’s chin, lifting his head to meet his eyes. “I’m sorry I let you down.”
    Zane moved closer, his eyes rapt on Ty’s. Ty’s hand moved from his chin to cup his cheek, and Zane leaned to kiss him carefully. The kiss demanded nothing. It was merely a sentiment of love and devotion from one man to another.
    Zane’s heart pounded with the acceptance. When he stepped back, they were still looking into each other’s eyes. The elevator stopped and jolted them both. Zane took a deep, bracing breath. “Where does that leave us?”
    Ty shook his head. “I love you. You love me. We know what we have can be strong. Stronger.”
    Zane lowered his head before he could see the pain that was about to pass over Ty’s face. The elevator door opened and closed behind him. “But . . . the pieces have to be strong for the whole to be. Right?”
    “Yes,” Ty whispered. “And I’m not right now. I . . . I don’t even know what I am anymore. I haven’t for a long time.”
    “You’re a good man,” Zane said, vehement as he jerked his head up. “You’re a brave man. And you’re a man who loves with his whole heart and soul. That’s who you are.”
    Ty pressed his lips together tightly. His eyes were glistening, and as Zane watched, a tear broke free and trailed down his face. Ty ducked his head and wiped it away with the heel of his hand. “That’s who you think I am.”
    Zane swallowed hard.
    “I’m an assassin,” Ty said, his voice unsteady. “I’m a killer. I’m the tip of a spear.”
    The hair on Zane’s arms rose. His stomach tumbled. Another tear followed the trail of the first down Ty’s dirty face, but Ty didn’t seem to notice.
    “And you,” Ty continued, his voice breaking. “You’re a phoenix, Zane. Rising from the ashes. And all I do is make you burn.”
    Zane’s throat was too tight to swallow past, and his next breath came out a choked sob. He had never imagined that was how Ty saw him, and hearing it now made him want to take back every harsh word they’d ever shared, every thrust and parry of their relationship. He reached for Ty’s face, fingers trembling.
    Ty hugged him, clinging to him, his breaths harsh in Zane’s ear. “I’m going to stay here,” Ty said shakily. Zane gasped, but Ty didn’t let him pull away. He held to him tighter. “Until the suspension’s over. I’m going to stay here with Kelly. I’ll give you that time and space you said you need.”
    “Ty,” Zane whispered.
    Ty wrenched away and dug in his pocket for something, then shoved it into Zane’s hand and hugged him again like he was afraid