Cutler 02 - Secrets of the Morning

nailed to the floor. I didn't want to go a step farther. Sitting there and smiling up at me was Philip.
    "Hi, Dawn," he said, leaning back on the sofa with his arm across the top. He looked more handsome than ever with his thick, flaxen hair brushed up in a wave and his cerulean blue eyes twinkling mischievously. "I was able to get away for a day to come see you before I have to return to school."
    "Isn't that nice?" Agnes said, smiling. I didn't say a word. "Why don't you introduce Trisha to your brother?" she asked when I didn't move.
    "I didn't ask him to come," I said sharply.
    "What?" Agnes looked at Philip as if he had to translate my words.
    "I thought you might be glad to see someone from the family," Philip said, his arrogant smile fading quickly.
    "You were wrong," I said. I felt blood rush to my face and my stomach turned sick somersaults with anger and fear. I couldn't look at Philip without remembering his lips and hands all over my body. "I don't care to see you. Just leave me alone," I said. "Leave me alone!"
    I turned and ran toward the stairway.
    "Dawn!" Agnes cried. "You get right back here."
    I took the stairway two steps at a time and rushed up and into my room, slamming the door quickly behind me. Then I threw myself on my bed and folded my arms across my chest as I glared up at the ceiling.
    I wouldn't pretend all was hunky-dory, I thought. I wouldn't forget what he had done to me.
    A few moments later Trisha came in. She closed the door softly behind her and stared at me, her mouth agape.
    "How could you do that to your own brother? He's so cute and he seems very nice. I mean, I thought it was only Clara Sue and Grandmother Cutler who . . ."
    "Oh Trisha," I said. I bit down on my lower lip. "What?" She came to my bed quickly and sat down. "I lied to you that day when you asked me why I was disturbed about Arthur walking in on me in the bathroom."
    "Lied?"
    "I told you it was a handyman who had attacked me."
    "But then . . . who did it?"
    "Philip," I said. "My brother." I buried my face in my pillow. "I'm so ashamed," I moaned. "And he has the nerve to come here and act as if nothing happened between us."
    "How horrible," Trisha said, stroking my hair. "Poor Dawn. You have so much to try to forget."
    I turned around to look up at her. I could tell she no longer saw my life as some kind of fantasy. No longer would she regret how boring her own life seemed next to mine. Facing reality had made me grow up more quickly than I would have liked, but I had no choice.

 
    4
A VISIT WITH JIMMY
     
    When it was clear to Philip that I wouldn't come back down and visit with him, he left. He had brought me a box of candy that he told Agnes to give to me with the message that he would call me some time in the near future.
    "Your brother was heartbroken," she said. "And such a nice young man, too." She sighed and then looked at me harshly and shook her head. "That's not the way for a well-bred young lady to behave," she chastised. "Your grandmother was hoping your manners would improve here."
    I bit my lip to keep myself from uttering any reply. I wanted to shout back at her, to cry out and tell her she didn't know what she was talking about; she had no idea what sort of terrible things had happened to me and if there was anyone who had to have her manners improved, it wasn't me; it was Grandmother Cutler who lorded it over everyone as if her hotel was her plantation and we were all her slaves. But, I said nothing. Instead I went to help Mrs. Liddy since it was my turn. I gave her Philip's gift of candy, which she was more than pleased to accept.
    By late afternoon Agnes was back to her old self, flitting about the apartment house, all excited about a luncheon she was going to attend on the weekend in honor of the contribution to the theater made by the Barrymores. She was full of stories about Ethel and John and claimed she had been in two productions with Lionel Barrymore. By evening the excitement centered on the impending arrival of the other student residents.
    The next day the Beldock twins were the first to arrive. Agnes called Trisha and me down to meet them and their parents. I knew the twins were fourteen, but when Trisha said they were small, I had no idea how small. They were like cupie dolls, both standing less than five feet tall. But they were adorable with their button noses and small, round mouths. They had chestnut-brown eyes and hair the color of summer hay, which they had cut in an