Cutler 02 - Secrets of the Morning

would cost. "The meter's been running all this time."
    "Don't worry about it," he said. "After what I've been through, I deserve to splurge and there's no one I care to splurge with more than you, Dawn. You really do look great," he added as he led me to the cab.
    Suddenly, a brilliant sun peeked through the dreary clouds and across the street, trees in vivid colors lit up. It warmed my heart, but made me feel like I had entered a dream, stepped into one of my fantasies.
    Here were Jimmy and I, practically two orphans who had been brought up a step past utter poverty, getting ready to go to a fancy New York restaurant. How strange and confusing time and events had been.
     
    It was hard to determine what was real and what was a dream. Maybe for the moment, I thought, it was better not to try.
    The restaurant was as fancy as it looked. When we entered, we were asked if we had reservations. Of course we hadn't, but the maitre d' studied his book and then nodded his head. I think he was impressed with Jimmy's uniform.
    "I can take care of you," he declared and showed us to a corner table. It seemed to me that everyone at the restaurant was looking at us as we walked through it to sit down. I was so nervous I nearly sent my silverware flying to the floor when I took the napkin out from under it to put it on my lap. We were asked if we wanted cocktails.
    Cocktails! I thought. How old did the waiter think I was?
    "No, we'll just go right to dinner," Jimmy replied and smiled. "We're starving."
    "Very good, sir," he said and left us with the menus. When I saw the prices, my heart stopped.
    "Oh Jimmy, some of these dinners cost as much as our week's food bill was."
    "I told you not to worry about it," he said. "I haven't spent a penny of my army pay until now," he admitted. And then he told me with pride thick in his voice how he had given Daddy Longchamp some money.
    "Tell me how he really is, Jimmy," I said after we had ordered. Jimmy's eyes darkened and the corners of his mouth tightened the way they would whenever he fought back anger or sadness. He gazed down at the table and fingered his silverware.
    "He looked a lot smaller and a lot older to me, guess prison does that to you. His hair was grayer, his face thinner, hut when he set eyes on me, he brightened considerably. We had a long talk about what had happened and he explained why he and Momma did what they did, how they thought they were doing the right thing since your real Momma and Daddy didn't want you and since he and Mamma had tried and failed to have another baby."
    Jimmy looked up quickly, his eyes watering.
    "Of course, he still admits it was wrong and he's very sorry for the pain and suffering he caused all of us, but I couldn't help but feel more sorry for him than I felt for myself. It's broken him and with Mamma gone, he really has nothing."
    I wasn't as strong as Jimmy; I couldn't keep my tears from pouring over and out of my lids. He smiled at me and leaned over the table to wipe the tears from my cheeks.
    "But he's happier now, Dawn, and he sends you his love. He's made some new friends; he likes his new job."
    "I know. He wrote to tell me that."
    "But I bet he didn't tell you he has a lady friend," Jimmy said with a wry smile.
    "Lady friend?"
    "She's cooking for him and I had the suspicion she was doing a lot more, but they didn't want me to know about it just yet," he said, his smile spreading.
    Of course I was happy that Daddy Longchamp had found some companionship and wasn't going to be lonely any more. I knew what it meant to be lonely and how it made your heart heavy and even bright sunny days look gloomy and dark. But I couldn't help thinking about Momma and that made hearing about Daddy Longchamp and another woman painful to me. My expression must have shown my confusion because Jimmy reached across the table and took my hand in his.
    "But he told me no one could ever replace Momma in his heart," Jimmy said quickly.
    I nodded, trying to understand.
    "Daddy described how hard he's been working to locate Fern," Jimmy said, "but he can't get any details. It seems everyone's sworn to secrecy about it. He was told that was the way they protect the family that took her in and the way they protect her from being bothered later on."
    "But he's her real father!" I protested.
    "And a man with a prison record," Jimmy reminded me, "who doesn't have any money or a real job or a wife to help raise a child. Of course, he still hopes that someday . .