Cutler 05 - Darkest Hour

stone when he opened my door.
    "Ready?" he asked.
    "As much as I'll ever be," I said. He smirked, tugged on his mustache and held out his arm.
    I took it and started out, pausing at the doorway to look back at my room, a room that had been a prison to me at one point. But I thought I saw Niles's face in the window looking in and smiling. I smiled back, closed my eyes, pretended it was he waiting for me below, and walked on with Papa.
     
    I stepped down slowly, afraid that my legs would shatter like glass and send me tumbling head over heels down the spiraling stairway to the feet of the smiling guests, now all seated and waiting. I focused on Miss Walker who smiled up at me and I gathered my strength. Papa nodded at some of his friends. I saw the faces of my future husband's friends, strangers who were gazing up at me with close scrutiny to see who had captured Bill Cutler's heart. A few smiled with the same sort of licentious grins; the others remained interested, curious.
    We paused at the base of the stairs. The gathering applauded. Ahead of us, the minister waited with Bill Cutler. He turned and flashed his arrogant smile at me as I was led down the aisle like a lamb to slaughter. He did look handsome in his tuxedo with his wavy dark hair brushed neatly on the sides. I saw Emily sitting up front, with Charlotte beside her sitting up properly, her big eyes following everyone's movement and widening when she saw me approaching. Papa brought me up front and stood back. The music stopped. Someone coughed. I heard light laughter from Bill's friends, and then the minister raised his eyes toward the ceiling and began.
    He offered two prayers, one longer than the other. Then he nodded to Emily and she began the hymn. The guests were fidgety, but neither he nor Emily cared. When the service finally ended, the minister focused his sad eyes on me, eyes I always felt belonged in an undertaker's head, and began to recite the wedding vows. As soon as he asked, "Who gives this woman to be this bride?" Papa lunged forward and boasted, "I do." Bill Cutler smiled, but I looked down as the minister continued, describing how sacred and serious marriage was before he got to the part where he asked me if I took this man to be my lawful, wedded husband.
    Slowly, I let my gaze wash over my future husband's face and the miracle I prayed for occurred. I didn't see Bill Cutler; I saw Niles, sweet and handsome, smiling at me with love just the way he had time after time at the magic pond.
    "I do," I said. I never heard Bill Cutler's vows, but when the minister pronounced us man and wife, I felt him lift my veil and press his lips to mine eagerly, kissing me so hard and long it brought a few gasps out of the audience. My eyes snapped open and I gazed at Bill Cutler's face, swollen with pleasure. There was a cheer and the guests rose to offer their congratulations. Every one of my new husband's friends gave me a kiss and wished me luck, winking when they did so. One young man said, "You'll need lots of it, being married to this scoundrel." Finally, I was able to step aside to speak with Miss Walker.
    "I wish you all the happiness and health life can offer, Lillian," she said, hugging me.
    "And I wish I was still in your class, Miss Walker. I wish it was years ago and I was just a little girl again eager to be taught and excited by every little thing I learned."
    She beamed.
    "I will miss you," she said. "You were the brightest and best student I ever had. I had hoped you would become a teacher, but now I understand you will have a lot more responsibility as the mistress of an important beach resort."
    "I'd rather I became a teacher," I said. She smiled as if I had wished for something impossible.
    "Write to me from time to time," she said, and I promised I would.
    As soon as the ceremony ended, the party began. I had no appetite, despite the wonderful foods that were brought out. I spent some time with some of Mamma's and Papa's relatives, saw that Charlotte had something to eat and drink, and then, when I was able to, I snuck away from the reception. A light rain had begun, but I ignored it. I lifted my skirt and hurried out the rear entrance of the house, crossing the yard quickly. I found the path to the north field and practically ran all the way to the family graveyard so I could say good-bye to Mamma and Eugenia, who lay side by side.
    Raindrops commingled with my tears. For a long moment, I could say nothing. All I could do was stand