Dark Rivers of the Heart

they had been on the long-ago night, but he knew that they were only birds of memory taking flight again in his own mind, visible to him but not to Ellie.
        "I'm hypnotized by them, can't take my eyes off them, because they convey an unbearable sense of the woman's terror… desperation… frantic resistance to being forced out of this vestibule and into the secret… the secret world below."
        He realized that he had laced his hand on the doorknob. It was cold against his palm.
        A tremor shook years off his voice, until he sounded younger to himself.- "Staring at the blood… knowing that she needs help… needs my help… but I can't go forward. Can't. Jesus. Won't.
        I'm just a boy, for God's sake. Barefoot, unarmed, afraid, not ready for the truth. But somehow, standing here as scared as I am… somehow I finally open the red door…"
        Ellie gasped. "Spencer."
        Her sound of surprise and the weight she gave to his name caused Spencer to pull back from the past and turn to her, alarmed, but they were still alone.
        "Last Tuesday night," she said, "when you were looking for a bar… why did you happen to stop in the place where I worked?"
        "It was the first one I noticed."
        "That's all?"
        "And I'd never been there before. It always has to be a new place."
        "But the name."
        He stared at her, uncomprehending.
        She said, "The Red Door."
        "Good God."
        The connection had escaped him until she made it.
        "You called this the red door," she said.
        "Because… all the blood, the bloody handprints."
        For sixteen years, he had been seeking the courage to return to the living nightmare beyond the red door. When he had seen the cocktail lounge on that rainy night in Santa Monica, with the red-painted entrance and the name spelled out above it in neon-The RED DOOR-he could not possibly have driven past. The opportunity to open a symbolic door, at a time when he had not yet found the strength to return to Colorado and open the other-and only important-red door, had been irresistible to his subconscious mind even while he remained safely oblivious to the implications on a conscious level. And by passing through that symbolic door, he'd arrived in this vestibule behind the pine cabinet, where he must turn the cold brass knob that remained unwarmed by his hand, open the real door, and descend into the catacombs, where he had left a part of himself more than sixteen years ago.
        His life was a speeding train on parallel rails of free choice and destiny- Though destiny seemed to have bent the rail of choice to bring him to this place at this time, he needed to believe that choice would bend the rail of destiny tonight and carry him off to a future not in a rigorous line with his past. Otherwise, he would discover that he was fundamentally the son of his father. And that was fine with him and of The yellow light from the vestibule revealed the first few treads of Reaching through the doorway and to the right, he found the switch and clicked on the cellar light. It was blue. He didn't know why blue had been chosen. His inability to think in harmony with his father and to understand such curious details seemed to confirm that he was not like that hateful man in any way that mattered.
        Going down the steep stairs to the cellar, he switched off the flashlight. From now on, the way would be lighted as it had been on a certain July and in all the July-spawned dreams that he had since endured.
        Rocky followed, then Ellie.
        That subterranean chamber was not the full size of the barn above, only about twelve by twenty feet. The furnace and hot-water heater were in a closet upstairs, and the room was utterly vacant. In the blue light, the concrete walls and floor looked strangely like steel.
        "Here?" Ellie asked.
        "No. Here he kept files of photographs and videotapes."
        "Not…
        "Yes. Of them… of the way they died. Of what he did to them, step by step."
        "Dear God."
        Spencer moved around the cellar, seeing it as he had seen it on that night of the red door. "The files and a compact photographer's developI ment lab were behind a black curtain at that end of the room.
        There was a TV set on a plain black metal stand. And a VCR.
        Facing the television was a single chair. Right here. Not comfortable.
        All straight lines,