Darkness Before Dawn

just as I open my mouth to say something else, she extends her arm and throws the glass she's holding at me. I move out of the way quickly, my eyes following the flying cup as it hits the wall behind me and shatters, pieces of glass flying everywhere around me, just like everything else in my fucking life.
    "What the fuck?" I say dumbfounded, unable to grasp what just happened.
    "GET THE FUCK OUT!" she bellows so loudly, I'm sure the neighbors can hear us.
    I walk over to her, fuming, until we're chest to chest.
    "I didn't do anything with that lying slut!" I yell and watch her recoil and back up a step.
    "Then why would she say you did?" she counters, placing her fisted hands on her hips.
    "Because she's a whore! She tried to do something with me, but I refused and she's pissed. I. DON'T. KNOW. BLAKE!" I shout, throwing my hands up in frustration.
    She blinks, tears clumping her long lashes together. "Why were you even in that situation?" she asks in a broken voice and my stomach drops.
    "Baby," I start, extending my arm to hold her to me, but she backs away further.
    "NO. Do not baby me, COLE! I was living in somebody's fucking basement with people doing illegal things right outside the door. I lost my baby. OUR baby!" she says, breaking into heaving sob before wiping her face and continuing, "I was emotionally and physically abused...and you...you were out partying?" she whispers hoarsely, crinkling her eyebrows in disbelief as more tears trickle down her face. The pain in her beautiful eyes is so palpable that it makes me want to go back in time and right all of my wrongs. Right all of the things I did when we were broken up. Go back and kick every ex-boyfriend of hers in the head for not being good enough for her. It makes me want to kill Benny and kill Alex and kill anybody who ever hurt her before me. But most of all it makes me want to die for hurting her, for not being there for her, for letting her push me away and thinking that it was okay to walk away.
    "No. I wasn't. I swear I wasn't," I say softly, ducking down to look directly into her eyes. "I was a mess without you, Blake. A mess. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't eat. I couldn't think. I went to a little bar down the street with some friends from college for a couple of hours. I had already been drinking, that was all I could do to temporarily numb my pain while you were gone. I got there and drank some more. I got up and went to the bathroom and that girl followed me in. She wanted to do stuff, I didn't...I couldn't. Blake, I couldn't. I wouldn't. I swear on my life, baby. She tried, I told her to fuck off. That's it, I swear."
    I take a deep shuttering breath, feeling sobs bubbling deep within my core before I release it. I repeat this a couple times, hoping not to start crying, not now. But thinking something happened to Blake, again. Not being here for her when she needed me most, again. And her wanting to leave me, again. I'm not built for this. I'm not built to deal with abandonment, even if that is what life tried to mold me for, I can't deal with it. Most of all, I can't deal with her abandoning me, and that's what it feels like she wants to do. I don't tear my eyes away from her and when the storm in her eyes begins to dissipate, I allow the current in my body to draw me closer to her.
    I clasp the nape of her neck and pull her to my chest before lowering my face to the top of her head. I close my eyes and breathe her in, feeling her tremble beneath me as she cries silently. I hold her tighter and feel my own eyes pool with tears. My breath finally comes back to me when she wraps her arms around my waist. For what seems like the millionth time in my life, I marvel about how vulnerable she makes me feel and how many times I've opened myself up to her, only to end up in heartbreak. I cup her face with both my hands to search her face and make sure we're okay. She gives me a small smile, that smile that never fails to bring me to my knees, and I can't help but smile back.
    "You know that I belong to you, right?" I ask as I stroke her wet face with my thumbs.
    A single tear runs down her face, which I kiss away.
    "I'm sorry," she whispers. "I shouldn't have believed her. I should've known better."
    I squeeze her cheeks in my hands and dip my head so that we're at eye level. "I need you to listen to me, Blake. I need to make sure you understand this. When you were gone, you were all I thought about. The only thing that kept me going was knowing you