Darkness Before Dawn

over there. She just refused them. Love always tries, and I never stopped."
    Tears form in my eyes as I nod at him, thinking of Shelley's sadness over her lost love. I take a breath, blinking, and signal at Connor to get us out of there. When we walk through the corridor again, I pause to look at all of the photos, paying close attention to all of them in detail. I run a trembling hand over the one of my mother with Aunt Shelley, or Grandma Shelley. Cole hugs me from behind and coos sweetly in my ear about how beautiful they were, making me turn around and sob into his shirt as he embraces me.
    "This is too much for one person," I muffle against his chest.
    "I know, baby. I know," he says quietly as he finger combs my hair.

 

    "So, what do you wanna do for you birthday?" Becky asks in the middle of our conversation about baby bedding.
    I purse my lips and switch the phone to my other ear so I can hold it with my shoulder. "I don't know. Nothing. Take a vacation. Tan. I really don't know," I reply with a shrug, making me drop the phone.
    "...not know?" Becky asks when I put the phone back up to my ear.
    "I don't know, Becks, really. It's not a huge deal, just another birthday, you know I've never really celebrated them anyway."
    "Yeah, but you're over that. Maybe you can actually act like a grown up and have a party this year," she suggests perkily, making me laugh.
    "Seriously?" I ask with an eye roll, even though she can't see me.
    "Yes, seriously! You have never had a party!" she pouts.
    I groan. "Becky! We had parties all the time!"
    "No, we didn't! We cut a freaking cake between the six of us! That's not a party! I'm talking balloons, invitations, ACTUAL GUESTS!"
    I laugh, despite myself. "I'll consider it. I'll look at invitations online or something."
    "You can't plan your own party!" she squeals.
    "Then why the hell are you telling me any of this?" I ask, annoyed, as she laughs on the other end of the line.
    We go back and forth about the party for about an hour, until I finally get her to hang up. She and Greg are staying here for the weekend, and my birthday just so happens to land on Saturday, so that should be fun...or not. I finish doing the dishes before getting my laptop out to search for information on the Bar exam. I'm considering taking it in a couple of weeks since I was already signed up for it, even though I know I'll probably fail since I haven't studied. I just don't care anymore; my heart's not in it like it was before.
    Cole has tried to be home a lot more lately and has done some of his interviews through Skype, which is pretty cool. He interviews somebody in our office room, while I watch on in our living room. As I'm dusting the desk where he sits, I spot a little post-it with my name on it. Picking it up curiously, I laugh as I read it.
     
    B, thanks for picking up my desk! I love you, your future husband.
     
    Ever since I left the hospital, he's been telling everybody that I'm his wife, and I keep correcting him. So he's decided to call himself my future husband instead. The look on people's faces when he says that term is pretty funny, but the look on his when they ask to look at my engagement ring is priceless. It always leaves him in a jam, which he gets out of fairly quickly. Usually by making up some crazy story about how we had to take it to the jeweler to resize or how I lost it while I was doing dishes.
    The ringing of my phone in the other room snaps me out of my distraction and I jog to pick it up. I consider not answering when I see that Dean is calling, but figure I might as well.
    "Hello?"
    "Hey, chick. Long time no hear," Dean says and I hear him inhale a drag of his cigarette.
    "Yeah. What's up?"
    "Hmm. Don't wanna talk?" Dean asks, reading my thoughts.
    "Not really," I reply bluntly.
    He exhales. "Nothing's up. Just wanted to check up on you. Heard you saw your dad and shit."
    "Yep, that happened. Fun times," I deadpan.
    He laughs. "You mad at me?"
    "Nope, nothing to be mad about. I just...I don't really want to make Cole mad...again," I explain. "I know you don't get it and I know he doesn't understand our friendship, but you realize if I had to choose between you-"
    "You'd pick him, I know," he offers. "Nothing wrong with that, chick. I'm just looking out for you."
    I sigh. "I know."
    "I heard your birthday's coming up," he says, changing the subject.
    "You hear a lot of things," I reply.
    "I do."
    "All right, Dean, I gotta go, but maybe we can talk soon?" I ask