Darkness Before Dawn

before stuffing it in my purse. I get up from the couch to get a cupcake and pivot around when I'm reaching the table.
    "And for the record, I will never take it off," I say in response to Cole's previous statement. Failing to keep my cold glare, I end up smiling at the way his eyes light up.
    After we clean up, Greg and Becky leave to visit their moms before they head back to Chicago. When Aubry announces that he's going to visit Maggie's grave with Aimee before he leaves, I suggest that Cole and I go with them. Aubry and Cole have gone back there since the burial, and it's something that I've wanted to do but have never brave enough to do it. I look at all of the tombstones as we walk through the cemetery and wonder if my mother was buried here, or anywhere. A sign catches my eye that reads: Ask about our two for one deal. Because that's not morbid, I think to myself with an eye roll.
    My breathing increases the closer we get to the spot that I remember her casket lowering in. The day replays in my head like it happened yesterday. I keep seeing myself scrubbing her blood off the ground, seeing the blood in my hands, tasting the iron in my mouth. When we reach her tombstone, I take a shaky breath before I kneel down in front of it, feeling the weight of her loss on my shoulders.
    Whoever said loss gets easier with time, clearly hasn't loved and lost. I blink back forming tears and scoot over, placing my hand on Aubry's, who is kneeling beside me staring blankly at his mother's name on the stone. His blue eyes are dim, empty when he looks at me, and I can no longer hold my tears in. I sniffle back a whimper and cast my eyes away from his, shuddering when he holds my hand and squeezes.
    "Stop," Aubry whispers. I nod in response, not daring to meet his eyes again, unable to bear the emptiness in them. "You need to stop blaming yourself for something you had no control over."
    I gulp back my heartache, drowning my self-hatred along with it and exhale a shaky breath before meeting his eyes again. "I know," I whisper in agreement. "I know," I state a little louder, trying to convince myself as much as him.
    I let go of his hand and scoot right up to the gray stone, placing my hand over it and tracing her name slowly with my finger before moving on to the bottom. A custom stone lays on the ground that reads, "Loving mother, aunt, and friend. An angel who earned her wings long before she made it to heaven." I trace it, blinking back tears and smiling at the truth in those words.
    As I'm silently apologizing to Maggie one last time, a surge of wind brushes through me, making my hair wave wildly away from my face. I close my eyes and take a deep breath while lifting my face to the gust, filling my lungs with fresh air. When I release it, I let go of the guilt I've been harboring over words I should've said and things I could've done differently. I let go of the stored up sadness I have over knowing I won't feel her hand on mine or have her advice to rely on. I know that Maggie would hate to see me this sad; I know she would never want me to feel anything but happy, fulfilled. And last, I let go of my handicapping fear, because as I sit here and think back on my life and the things I've been faced with, it hits me just how short and fragile it is, and how little room there is for fear of the unknown. I exhale into the wind, allowing myself to bask in the clarity I've been craving for years. When it settles, I peel my eyes open and feel a sense of peace.
    "Are you okay?" Cole asks as he squeezes my shoulder gently.
    I wipe the tears away from my face and offer him a smile. "I think so."
    He returns my smile and helps me off the ground before walking up to Aubry, who is hugging Aimee. Cole and Aubry look at each other for a moment, speaking with no words. They nod and pat each other on the arm before we all walk back to the car feeling lighter than we did when we got here.

 

    My eyes are trained on her ring finger as I secure my tie, and she sleeps soundlessly. Thinking back on my life, I don't think I've ever felt this content. I look at the time on my watch, wishing I had five extra minutes to crawl back in bed with my girl, but as tempting as she looks snuggled up in our plush covers, I would definitely run late. I sigh heavily, tearing my eyes from her slightly parted lips and messy dirty blond hair and walk quietly toward the door, careful not to wake her. In the kitchen I turn on my cellphone and switch on the