Dear Life

to Jackson about where he’d parked the car, and telling him where to move it sohe wouldn’t get a ticket. Also making sure that he knew about the accommodations for out-of-town relations, much cheaper than you’d have to pay at a hotel.
    Belle would be put to bed now, they said. A doctor would come to have a look at her, and Jackson could come back later to say good night. He might find her a little dopey by that time.
    She overheard, and said that she was dopey all the time so he wouldn’t be surprised, and there was a little merriment all round.
    The nurse took him to sign something before he left. He hesitated where it asked what relation. Then he wrote “Friend.”
    When he came back in the evening he did see a change, though he would not have described Belle then as dopey. They had put her into some kind of green cloth sack that left her neck and most of her arms quite bare. He had seldom seen her so bare, or noticed the raw-looking cords that stretched between her collarbone and chin.
    She was angry that her mouth was dry.
    “They won’t let me have anything but the meanest little sip of water.”
    She wanted him to go and get her a Coke, something that she never had drunk in her life as far as he knew.
    “There’s a machine down the hall—there must be. I see people going by with a bottle in their hands and it makes me so thirsty.”
    He said he couldn’t go against orders.
    Tears came into her eyes and she turned pettishly away.
    “I want to go home.”
    “Soon you will.”
    “You could help me find my clothes.”
    “No I couldn’t.”
    “If you won’t I’ll do it myself. I’ll get to the train station myself.”
    “There isn’t any passenger train that goes up our way anymore.”
    Abruptly then, she seemed to give up on her plans for escape. In a few moments she started to recall the house and all the improvements that they—or mostly he—had made on it. The white paint shining on the outside, and even the back kitchen whitewashed and furnished with a plank floor. The roof reshingled and the windows restored to their plain old style, and most of all glories, the plumbing that was such a joy in the wintertime.
    “If you hadn’t shown up I’d have soon been living in absolute squalor.”
    He didn’t voice his opinion that she already had been.
    “When I come out of this I am going to make a will,” she said. “All yours. You won’t have wasted your labors.”
    He had of course thought about this, and you would have expected that the prospects of ownership would have brought a sober satisfaction to him, though he would have expressed a truthful and companionable hope that nothing would happen too soon. But not now. It seemed to have little to do with him, to be quite far away.
    She returned to her fret.
    “Oh, I wish I was there and not here.”
    “You’ll feel a lot better when you wake up after the operation.”
    Though from everything that he had heard that was a whopping lie.
    Suddenly he felt so tired.
    He had spoken closer to the truth than he could have guessed. Two days after the lump’s removal Belle was sitting up in a different room, eager to greet him and not at all disturbed by the moans coming from a woman behind the curtain in the next bed. That was more or less what she—Belle—had sounded like yesterday, when he never got her to open her eyes or notice him at all.
    “Don’t pay any attention to her,” said Belle. “She’s completely out of it. Probably doesn’t feel a thing. She’ll come round tomorrow bright as a dollar. Or else she won’t.”
    A somewhat satisfied, institutional authority was showing, a veteran’s callousness. She was sitting up in bed and swallowing some kind of bright orange drink through a conveniently bent straw. She looked a lot younger than the woman he had brought to the hospital such a short time before.
    She wanted to know if he was getting enough sleep, if he’d found someplace where he liked to eat, if the weather had been not too warm for walking, if he had found time to visit the Royal Ontario Museum, as she thought she had advised.
    But she could not concentrate on his replies. She seemed to be in a state of amazement. Controlled amazement.
    “Oh, I do have to tell you,” she said, breaking right into his explanation of why he had not got to the museum. “Oh,don’t look so alarmed. You’ll make me laugh with that face on, it’ll hurt my stitches. Why on earth should I be thinking of laughing anyway? It’s a