Death Before Facebook

said.
    “What?”
    “Yes, I thought we were committed to each other. What
about
all our plans?”
    “I told you. They’re just being delayed a little while.”
    “On the other hand, they were
our
plans. That’s
your
decision. If you want the truth, that takes my breath away.”
    “What, I was supposed to consult you on this? Skip, we’re not married.”
    “Look, what’s done is done. I’m going to get on with my life now. I’d appreciate it if you didn’t call me anymore.”
    “What? You’re breaking up with me?”
    How can you be so thick? Who wouldn’t break up with you?
She said, “I’m seeing someone else.”
    Silence. A long silence. And then he repeated it. “You’re seeing someone else?”
    “Yes.” She felt her teeth clench.
    “You’re really breaking up with me?”
    “Frankly, I don’t look at it that way. I think you broke up with me.”
    A noise like a sob came over the phone. But it couldn’t be.
    Men don’t cry.
    They especially don’t cry over me.
    “Skip, I’m so sorry.” He was definitely sobbing. She didn’t know what to say. She sat there, teeth still clenched, more or less in shock, trying to think what to do next.
    Finally, he said, “What can I do to change your mind?”
    “I think you know.”
    “You mean give this up? You can’t ask me to do that.”
    “We’re at an impasse, aren’t we?” It would have been a good time to end the conversation, but she found herself reluctant to do that, wanted to hold on to it. “I guess so,” he said.
    “Good-bye.”
    He gasped, apparently stifling another sob. “Good-bye.”
    He hung up, leaving her with the odd sensation of being garroted, of her windpipe being squeezed by an unseen hand.
    * * *
     
    Pearce hadn’t called. Caitlin was home today and Lenore still had her job. Far from firing her, her boss at the bead shop had been solicitous. Lenore had mentioned Mrs. Julian when she called in. Her death on top of Geoff’s would be hard for anybody to take, her boss had said, and wanted to know if Lenore needed even more time.
    She probably doesn’t think she could ever get anyone else to work so cheap.
    Nonetheless, it was a relief to know her life was still intact after two days in the Twilight Zone.
    Except that it wasn’t. Pearce had bitten a big chunk out of it.
    Why in hell did she sleep with him? Was she nuts?
    Yes. And needy. Maybe that was worse.
    She hated being needy—and face it, she was needy again tonight. She had a big hole in her after all the things that had happened, and a night with Pearce couldn’t fill it up. Instead, it had opened a new abyss of longing and loneliness.
    For a long time Geoff had taken care of her, had met a lot of her needs. But he hadn’t been a romantic partner or even, finally, a sex partner. Just a good friend.
    Pearce awed her. She couldn’t understand why she hadn’t had a crush on him all the time she’d known him; probably she had, deep down, but it had simply never occurred to her that someone like him could be interested in someone like her.
    Now Pandora’s box had been opened.
    All the troubles of the world, all the creepy-crawly insecurities, all the jagged-edged terrors, all the foul forms self-loathing could take, were beginning to ooze in Lenore’s psyche, and to overflow.
    She was panicked.
    How the hell am I going to make it?
    Call Kit.
    No. I can’t call Kit—I can’t let her see me like this, I can’t let anyone see me. They’d never let me keep Caitlin.
    I could call Pearce….
    No, if he wanted to see me, he’d call.
    Get Caitlin to bed—at least do that.
    The child was slightly fussy, but glad to be home, Lenore thought. Once she had had her bath, she dropped off quickly.
    Leaving Lenore with a terrible sense of aloneness and dread.
    Should she have a drink?
    What could it hurt?
she thought.
    She had dropped by Winn-Dixie on the way home from work and stocked up. Pearce liked bourbon, she thought, or maybe Scotch, so she’d gotten both. She’d have to drink something with him, so she’d bought some wine for herself. And she’d gotten some beer in case he was in a beer mood.
    She needed a jolt. She crushed some ice, poured some bourbon over it, and tossed it down as soon as it was cold. The taste was so medicinal she poured herself a glass of wine before she sat down at the computer.
    Pearce wasn’t on the TOWN.
    She was amazed to realize she hadn’t logged on herself for days and days—when Geoff was around, she’d spent part of