Deaths Excellent Vacation

I finally lost the guard who persisted in following me, so it wasn’t until afternoon that I staggered exhausted, bleeding, and dirty from a fall into the Seine through the door of a familiar shop. “Cecile! Baby! I’m here!”
    The woman behind the counter at the shop stared at me in stark surprise. “Jim? Is that you?”
    “Hiya, Amelie. Yeah, it’s me. Where’s Cecile?”
    “She . . . she . . .” Amelie seemed to be struck speechless, because she simply pointed upstairs.
    “Thanks. Mind if I use your shower? I had a run-in with the Venediger, and I’m all ooky with blood and stuff. See you later,” I called as I dashed through the back room, then up the stairs that led to the apartment in which Amelie and Cecile lived.
    Cecile was also a bit taken aback by my appearance, her eyes going even more bug-eyed than they normally were when I scooped her up in my arms and kissed her all over her adorable pointy little snout. “My darling, my adorable one! We might only have one day left together, but I will make it a day you won’t forget. I promise I’ll get back to my normal form as soon as possible,” I told her when she tried to squirm out of my hold, her little stubby legs kicking wildly. “This one sucks big-time, huh? Don’t worry, my beloved. I’ll soon be your big, handsome Jim again. But first, a shower.”
    The sound of voices drifted in to me when I stepped out of the shower, drying myself on one of Amelie’s soft towels. I looked at the codpiece and thong, but decided I just couldn’t wear them any longer. By the time I headed out of Amelie’s bedroom, I realized that I knew the voices.
    “—came back early because Drake insisted on seeing the doctor. It turned out to be nothing, of course, just a case of the sniffles.”
    “Any illness in infants can be serious,” Drake’s voice rumbled in response. “I was not easy in my mind until the children had been seen by a proper doctor.”
    “Anyway, we decided it wasn’t worth hauling the babies back to the yacht, so we figured we’d just swing by and pick up Jim and head back to London. Is it here?”
    “Aw, man!” I said, marching in to the room. “You’re early? Fine! Just ruin my plans!”
    The silence that greeted my arrival in Amelie’s sunny living room was thick enough to cut with a butter knife.
    “Er . . .” Amelie said, her expression kind of shocked.
    “Jim! What on earth are you doing in that form!” Aisling demand, her hands on her hips. “And naked!”
    Drake narrowed his green eyes at me and muttered something about knowing better than to leave me on my own.
    “It’s not my fault,” I told them both. “You can ask that no-good, conniving Guardian why I’m like this.”
    “I certainly will,” Aisling said, staring.
    Drake slapped his hand over her eyes and glared at me. “Put some clothing on, or I’ll see to it you have nothing left with which to shock Aisling.”
    She giggled.
    “I don’t want to wear clothing! I want my old form back. Let me change back, Ash. Please.”
    “All right, you can change into your normal form,” she said, giggling again. “But I want to hear everything that happened. Only not right now—we had a message from Nora when we got to Drake’s house.”
    I sighed with relief as I shifted back to my fabulous Newfoundland form, making a quick check to be sure everything was the way I had left it. “Boy, did I miss you, tail. And package. And four paws. And—”
    “Enough,” Drake said, bowing to Amelie. “You will excuse us if we leave in haste. Aisling is anxious to get back to London.”
    “Yes, I am. Come on, Jim! There’s work to be done,” Aisling said in her chipper voice as she took Drake’s hand. “Nora said there’s been a huge outbreak of kobolds and imps and all sorts of nasties in the last few days, and she’s overwhelmed and needs our help in cleaning everything up. It’ll be like old times tackling them together, huh?”
    “Oh, man,” I said, covering my face with my paws. “Can’t I just sleep here for a couple of days? Cecile and I—”
    “Don’t be silly,” she said, cuffing me on the shoulder. “You’ve had ten days together; that’s long enough. Besides, there’s nothing like a bit of action after a nice, long, relaxing vacation to get your blood pumping again, now is there?”

Thin Walls
    CHRISTOPHER GOLDEN
     
     
    Christopher Golden is the author of such novels as The Myth Hunters , The Boys Are Back in Town , Of Saints and