Demon Night

told him not to come back. So he was probably doing the same thing I was; getting by, trying to feel something . But really only faking it, because—except with Jane—the feeling always went away when the buzz did.”
    She searched Ethan’s face, remembering how she’d almost always been numb; she couldn’t comprehend returning to that now. And she’d been different before he’d moved in next to her—she’d gone a long way by herself, had been slowly coming out of that sleep.
    And she didn’t know if the shock of the past few days had brought her truly awake, or just forced her to recognize that she already was. She only knew that she was sitting there, the bloodlust had passed, her body was satiated in every conceivable way…and she still felt wonderfully alive.
    His brows rose in question when she continued to look at him, and she shook her head with a smile.
    “All right,” he said. His arms tightened around her, and he drew her against him for a gentle kiss, then leaned back to study her face. “So Jane tossed you out then.”
    “No. She gave me a choice: either I’d sober up and settle down, or she’d cut herself completely out of my life.”
    Ethan was nodding. “Like she did Sammael.”
    “Yes.” She rolled his soft collar between her fingers. “A lot of it was fear that I’d lose her, but there was also a lot of guilt. I thought that there couldn’t possibly be anything worse than waking up in the hospital and finding out I wouldn’t sing again. But walking into the apartment, seeing her face, realizing how much I’d been hurting her… that was the worst moment of my life.”
    She glanced up at his face. Lord, this all sounded depressing—and, after the horror of his experience with Sammael, pathetic. She rolled her eyes, laughed at herself before continuing, “And it was the best moment, because it got me into rehab again, and looking for another job. But I was still just going through the motions until I got to the part in my therapy where I had to make amends, and I went to see Old Matthew. And…I don’t know. Maybe he meant to teach me a lesson or scare me off by offering me the job. Maybe I took it because I felt so guilty, and I wanted to repay him somehow. But it worked out, and as soon as I could, I got my own apartment and began taking classes. Everything just fell into place. And I thought I was going to lose all that tonight—not the job, really, but whatever respect I’d earned from Old Matthew, whatever it was that made him willing to put a part of his baby in my hands. Because he’s…my hero, or something.”
    Her cheeks heated, and she buried her face against Ethan’s chest again. She’d made it sound so simplistic and stupid, and couldn’t possibly encompass the entirety of what she’d been feeling when Ethan had been holding her, and Old Matthew had offered to get her out of trouble. The overwhelming sense of disbelief that two men whom she admired and loved would stand by her, though she hadn’t given them much in return—and the overwhelming gratitude that she had them.
    “Anyway,” she finished in a small voice, “that’s why it hit me harder than Jane’s phone call did. Because I was expecting some rationalization from her. I wasn’t expecting Old Matthew.” Ethan didn’t immediately respond, and she added, “Although maybe I should have. I underestimated him.”
    “Yes. And yourself.”
    Her skin flushed again. “Yes. I’m not suggesting that I don’t think I’m worth it. I do.”
    “I ain’t talking about your worth.” He caught her face, forced her to look at him. His brows were lowered, his eyes shadowed. “And I ain’t blowing sunshine up your ass. My ma was about the strongest woman I’ve ever seen. Then there’s Lilith, and Selah, and a thousand other women I could name who’ve taken their knocks, but still got back up, doing whatever it was they had to do to get on their feet. It’s like they were born strong, and that the core of them is so tough it’s impossible to break. And I admire the hell out of women like that.”
    “Me, too,” she said softly.
    “But you’re not one of them, Charlie.” His fingers tightened when she bent over against the pain that ripped through her, and white edged his lips. “I ain’t trying to put a hurt on you,” he said fiercely, quickly. “I’m trying to tell you that some women, being strong seems to come easy to them. Now, I know it probably ain’t easy, but that’s the