Diana Racine 02 - Goddess of the Moon

my deficiency ― no pun intended. I read something of Kierkegaard once. I’ve kept it as a kind of mantra because it applies in so many ways. ‘There are two ways to be fooled,’ he said. ‘One is to believe what isn't so; the other is to refuse to believe what is so.’ It took me ten years to face reality and come to that conclusion. If I were going to live any kind of life, I couldn’t live as half a man, feeling sexual desires without the goods to follow through. That’s worse than torture. So, I made my decision to live in a way I understood, and God wasn’t part of it. Granted, my way isn’t for everyone, but it ma kes sense to me. I certainly don’t bandy about my atheism, especially here.”
    “Who saved you?”
    “As I said, another time , a nd I hope there will be another time. Maybe I’m holding back the rest of the story so I’ll be sure we meet again . You’re intellectually stimulating, and we’ve barely scratched the surface of subject matter.”
    He got up, walked around to the back of her chair , and pulled it out. “You can tell your l ieutenant to relax. I have no designs on you sexually.” He smiled and looked at her as a man would look at a woman who holds for him sexual interest. “Would that I could.”
    * * * * *
    “H e what?”
    Lucier and Diana finished dinner and curled up together on the sofa. His exclamatory question was in response to a chronicle of Diana’s day, which ended with most of her conversation with Edward Slater.
    “You heard me,” she said. “The man is incapable of being a sexual predator or impregnating those women.” Diana decided not to break Slater’s confidence by telling Lucier the true nature of his condition. She inferred Slater was gay. How could any man understand the choices he made or comprehend living without his manhood? “ H e could n’t possibly be a Satanist. One of the primary characteristics of a Satanist is carnal pleasure, and Edward Slater isn’t interested in those women.”
    “So maybe it’s carnal pleasure with men. It works both ways, you know. Pleasure is pleasure. Depends what floats your boat.”
    “ H e didn’t impregnate those two girls, and I don’t believe he’s involved in the disappearance of that baby, any baby . The man’s been through hell, Ernie . Drugs and alcohol brought him down as low as a man can go, and he’s rebuilt his life , devoting himself to helping people. At worst, someone is using his mission to prey on the women who wind up there, for whatever reasons.”
    “You’re losing your objectivity.”
    “ He’s not a Satanist, ” she said louder than she intended.
    “Then what’s so secret about his faith or religious persuasion?”
    “I don’t know ― something he’s devised to make sense out of his life. All I know is that Edward Slater hasn’t got the perverted character to be involved in what went on in that house.”
    “And he told you this, or is it something you felt ?”
    She noted his sarcasm but chose to ignore it. “Why are you so negative concerning him?”
    “Because I think your feelings about our good Brother Osiris are way off track.” He rose from the sofa. “It’s been a long day. I’m going home before one of us says something we’ll regret later .”
    He pecked her on the forehead and walked out the door, leaving her confused and―dammit―angry at him for being so stubborn and shortsighted. Then she wondered if she had indeed lost her objectivity. Had she become a victim of Slater’s charismatic spell?

Chapter Fifteen
    Hacker Extraordinaire

    D iana sat in the dim light alone, stung by Lucier’s accusation. Was his opinion of Slater colored by his love for her? H e judged Slater as an adversary and as a suspect rather than how she saw the man ― as a victim. But then she knew his story, or part of it. There was more. He as much as told her so.
    She couldn’t share Slater’s secret with Lucier or anyone else. She’d be betraying a man who’d been betrayed, rightly or wrongly, by the greatest force in his life: his God. No, she entered into a tacit agreement, and she wouldn’t break it without good reason.
    In questioning Lucier’s motives, she had to ask about her own. What made her so sure Slater was telling the truth? This time, to reinforce her intuition that she wasn’t being conned, she needed outside help. She’d deal with the residual guilt later.
    At age twelve, Diana could no longer bear the pressure of leading police to missing