Diplomacy

deep in thought. “Sorry.”

    60 | Z a h r a O w e n s

    Maria walked off towards the hallway and Jack could hear her mutter, “I swear sometimes that man is so far out of it…” As he realized it was almost time to leave, he jumped up and followed her. “Maire!”
    Catching up with her in the hallway, he gave her a hug from behind and a kiss on the neck. “Have a great time in Amsterdam.” She turned around and gave him a quick kiss on the lips. “Don’t work too hard this weekend. I know you’re both workaholics, but try to make sure you see a bed from time to time, okay?” As he saw the genuine concern in her eyes, it hit him again. After this weekend, he would know if it was worthwhile to cheat on her.
    It wasn’t until she was out of the hallway and up to the bedroom that her words hit him. Try to make sure you see a bed from time to time…

    ALL day long Jack had a hard time focusing. He had arranged with Lucas that the Brit would book the hotel rooms. One fancy hotel suite in Jack’s name, where they could set up ‘an office’, and a smaller hotel room as Lucas’s cover. Jack had been tempted to call Lucas all day, just to hear his voice, to see if he was excited, to check if they were still on. Then he got a text message, “Antwerp Hilton old city centre exec suite your name be there B4 6pm”.
    This was really going to happen.

    THE knock on the door was so quiet, Lucas wasn’t even sure it had happened, so he waited.
    There it was again. A single, shy, almost hesitant knock.
    Lucas was on the other side of the door waiting, so when he abruptly opened it, Jack’s hand was still in midair. He looked more vulnerable, smaller than Lucas remembered him. There was very little evidence that this was a powerful, decisive man. Even the suit that always looked tailor made seemed to fit him less than perfectly. The porter had brought his bags up a few minutes earlier, and Lucas, posing as the perfect assistant, had told the man where he wanted them and tipped him generously.

    D i p l o m a c y | 61

    They stood there for a moment, neither of them sure what to do next, until Lucas stepped aside to let Jack into the hotel room. He brushed his hand against Jack’s when he passed, but the older man walked on towards the window without acknowledging the contact.
    “I’m glad you found it. I was worried you might not…”
    “Your directions were very good,” Jack interrupted flatly.
    “…come,” Lucas concluded, lowering his head, his hand still on the open door.
    “Maybe you should shut the door.”
    “Yeah, right,” Lucas responded as if he was suddenly awakened to the fact that this was a pretty ridiculous situation. They had arranged to meet at this hotel to cheat on their partners. The least he could do was make sure no one could see them. After quietly closing the door, he walked over to the window and stood silently next to Jack.
    The American looked sad and maybe a little afraid. Lucas knew that his calm exterior was just that, a front, to cover up his nervousness.
    Suddenly Jack turned around and faced him as though he had come to a decision.
    Jack’s eyes were moist as he reached to cup Lucas’s head with his hand and kiss him hungrily. Lucas gladly accepted the kiss and responded by letting his tongue touch Jack’s lips lightly, carefully asking for access.
    He could feel the American opening up for him, until he felt himself being pushed away, then pulled back again, this time held in a tight hug. They were both catching their breath, and Lucas didn’t know what to say, all he could feel was Jack’s heart trying to beat its way out of his chest.
    “I didn’t mean to push you away, I’m sorry,” Jack let his forehead rest against Lucas’s. “Why do I keep doing this? I just…” He sighed deeply, searching for the right words. “…It’s not like I don’t want to, Lucas…”
    The young man felt his lover distance himself from him. “But you feel like you can’t, and I should just leave you alone,” Lucas ended Jack’s sentence.
    “Yes… NO!” Jack let himself drop to sit on the bed, his eyes closing briefly as he exhaled loudly. He gently took Lucas’s hand. “Please, just sit down for a moment. I’ll try to explain.” 62 | Z a h r a O w e n s

    Lucas swallowed, but didn’t move. “It’s okay, Jack, I understand.
    You have your career to think of and your wife. I should never have thought that this… us… was possible.”
    The American pulled on