Diplomacy

that moment, two men with their arms around each other walked passed the terrace. As soon as they were out of earshot, Jack D i p l o m a c y | 83

    whispered, “This is the first country where it’s so apparent how they are very tolerant here.”
    Lucas laughed, “We’re just in the right part of the right city for this. I wouldn’t generalize about the whole country though, besides I think you’re just open to it now.” He gave Jack a measured look. “You sound just like Lucy; she keeps seeing pregnant women everywhere.” Jack waited for the waitress to put their orders down and leave before continuing. “Have you two talked about having kids?” Lucas shook his head. “Not really. Her father would probably nail her to the stake if she got pregnant before we got married. He barely talks to her now because we live together ‘in sin’.” Jack chuckled. “Maria and I did the same in Denmark for almost three years. Her father wasn’t happy either.”
    “So how come you and Maria don’t have any kids?” Lucas knew this was a very personal question, so he added, “You don’t have to answer.”
    Jack smiled, “Maria told me even before we were married that she felt there were too many kids without parents in this world, so we agreed that if we were ever posted to a third world country, we would adopt an orphan there. She wanted a true global family, you know, a kid from Guatemala, one from Ethiopia and one from Vietnam.”
    “And you?” Lucas asked. “Didn’t you want a child of your own?”
    “I’ve never felt the need to pass on my genetic traits.” Jack looked away from Lucas at the people passing on the street. “I just wish we hadn’t waited this long. Maria never felt the time was right, and we always ended up being posted to Europe, never to a third world country, either.
    Sometimes I think she’s just fine with the way things are right now.” Lucas put his hand on Jack’s. “You have time, maybe you should talk to her about it?”
    “Let’s not talk about Maria, okay? I’m here with you, not her.” They finished dinner, paid and tipped the waitress, and made their way back to the hotel in silence.

    JACK walked into the suite and moved straight through to the executive terrace. He suddenly felt guilty about his betrayal, guilty about 84 | Z a h r a O w e n s

    enjoying this time with Lucas, enjoying it so much that he was considering chucking it all in, anything to give his relationship with the young man a chance. Could he leave Maria? She was an amazing woman, but the things he felt for Lucas were so much more powerful than what he had ever felt for his wife.
    He was leaning on the railing looking down over the square, when he heard Lucas’s hesitant voice. “Jack? Are you okay? I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have brought the subject up, I… I wasn’t thinking. Could you just step away from the edge please?”
    Jack took a step back, but didn’t turn around. He heard Lucas move closer and stop next to him.
    “Did you think I was going to jump?” Jack asked without looking at his lover.
    “I don’t know. Just… after we talked, you seemed so distant and…”
    Jack could hear the restrained emotion in Lucas’s voice. “What do you want from me, Lucas?”
    “That’s a very open question, Jack. What do I want from you?” Jack felt Lucas’s beautiful eyes burn into him and looked down at his feet. “Why are we here? I mean, was our life so bad that we had to run away from our women for a few nights of passion in a fancy hotel in another city? I like my life, Lucas. I like my job and all the sacrifices were worth it as far as I’m concerned.”
    “Was it worth living a lie for?” Lucas asked honestly.
    Jack took his time thinking about his answer. “I’m not living a lie.”
    “What am I, then? A bloody experiment?”
    Jack could see Lucas from the corner of his eye, but he didn’t dare look aside.
    “Am I just an eager young upstart you can use to see if these feelings you had for your high school friend were real or not?” Jack finally turned towards Lucas as Lucas moved towards the hotel room. “Lucas!” he called after the other man.
    “Forget it. There’s an unused hotel room downstairs.” Jack caught up with him at the terrace window and grabbed his hand. As Lucas tried to pull away, Jack pleaded, “Lucas, please, I’m D i p l o m a c y | 85

    sorry.” Jack pulled him closer and wrapped his arms around the Brit.
    “Lucas, I’m sorry if I