Diplomacy

U.S. Ambassador. Jack knew denying the rumor would only make it worse, and he would need Maria by his side to show people it was all a hoax. Knowing Maria, he would have to convince her it was all a lie or she might not be prepared to show her support.
    Jack realized he didn’t know how his wife would react, though.
    Maria wasn’t the emotional kind, but she might feel hurt, and she could be fairly ruthless, so revenge would be sweet, at least for her.
    Damn. Was it all worth it? He loved his job; he wasn’t prepared to lose it over a fling. What did he feel for Lucas? Did he love him? Or was it just lust? Comparing what he felt for Lucas to what he felt for Maria was like comparing apples and oranges. It was love in both cases, but for Lucas, it was all consuming, passionate and mind-boggling, while his love for Maria was comfortable, reliable and calculated. Which type of love would still be there in ten years’ time? Did he see himself still loving Lucas then? Would their love survive two wasted careers? What if this caused his professional downfall? Would he hold it against Lucas?
    Jack scratched his head with both hands, trying to get his mind in order. Lucas didn’t want to see him. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe they should lay low for a while. It would certainly help him to get his mind in order.

    THE rest of the week was spent at the usual frenzied pace, running from one meeting to the next, showing his face at various trade conferences, International Schools, and in the committee that was preparing the gay marriage bill. Jack was glad he had so much to occupy his mind. Usually he didn’t go to these meetings alone; there was always someone from his Embassy staff accompanying him, if not to brief him on the way, then to introduce him to their negotiating partners.
    Nights were another thing, though. Even though he was trying hard not to think about Lucas, he found himself avoiding Maria. They had never had the most prolific sex life, but now he was making excuses not to 100 | Z a h r a O w e n s

    be in the bedroom with her when she was going to bed. If he couldn’t avoid her, he pretended to be asleep. He kept telling himself to just get it over with and screw her again, dispel any doubts she might have. As it was now, if she knew or even suspected something, this avoidance would make him look even more guilty.
    Only he couldn’t. He would sometimes look at her when she had her back to him, in moments when he knew she wouldn’t notice but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t conjure up any feelings of lust.
    When he was alone, it was easy, his mind would naturally drift to Lucas and he would feel himself grow hard. He just had to picture Lucas’s lust soaked eyes and how dark they would grow when gazing into his and he would have a hard time not touching himself.
    By Thursday, he couldn’t hold back anymore. They hadn’t spoken since Sunday night and Jack hated leaving things hanging, so he picked up the phone to call. In the middle of dialing Lucas’s work number, he stopped. They couldn’t talk about this on the phone; this was about them, their relationship. This was about the decision whether what they had was worth being called a relationship or whether it was just a good fuck.
    Instead of calling, Jack decided that he would pay Lucas a visit that evening after work.
    It took him some persuasion to make Mark, his ever conscientious Secret Service man, understand that Jack could drive home without surveillance and that there was no need to call the men at the house to give them an ETA. He couldn’t go into details, of course, but finally agreed that he would call in to say he was okay.
    He had dropped Lucas off on Sunday, but hadn’t actually been inside the apartment. He found his way there and ran up the three flights of stairs, pausing in front of the door, more than slightly out of breath. As he reached for the doorbell, he could see the names on the sticker above it:
    ‘Lucas Carlton – Lucy Marsh’ – and smiled. That answered his first question.
    He wasn’t sure how Lucas was going to react, though. What if Lucas was angry with him? Jack had left him to his own devices for four days and anything might have happened, including Lucas deciding it just wasn’t worth it.

    D i p l o m a c y | 101

    Jack turned around, chickening out, scared of what was behind the door. He paced the small hallway trying to make up his mind and had his back to the door when it