Do You Remember the First Time?

possible, could we meet without your juvenile delinquent?”.’
    ‘It’s a step up from wolverine,’ I said.
    ‘No, when I said “I quote”, I actually meant “I paraphrase without all the swearing”. Right, I’m going to try it.’
    ‘What?’
    She stood up and closed her eyes. ‘I wish I was sixteen again!’ she said, quite loudly.
    ‘Oh, that’s a great idea!’ I jumped up too. ‘Come back too. We’ll have a brilliant time! You can come to Justin’s party!’
    She half opened one eye. ‘Tell me you’re not going to a teenage party?’
    ‘Er, no.’
    ‘You bitch.’ She pinched her thighs. ‘This isn’t working, is it?’
    ‘Dunno,’ I said.
    She opened her eyes. ‘Can I come to the party anyway?’
    ‘Do you remember that Canadian school teacher who got sent to prison for cavorting with her charges?’
    ‘Bugger, bugger, bugger.’
    ‘Good luck with the happiest day of your life,’ said the shop assistant as we both slouched out into the street.
    Stanzi and I were being overexcited in my parents’ kitchen. We had got ready together in the bathroom, and I’d introduced her to the delights of Nik Kershaw, which I’d discovered in my parents’ record collection, shamefully enough. Stanzi had blue mascara on one eye and green on the other,I was wondering how low I could get away with pulling my stripy top.
    ‘Do you think I can show a bra strap?’
    Stanzi snorted loudly, rubbing extra blush over her round cheeks. ‘I’ve never heard of anyone who minded having a bra strap show.’
    I guessed not. We danced around until we both looked fantastic (for trannies) and, leaving a trail of destruction across the bathroom – hey, if I wasn’t a little thoughtless now and again surely they’d suspect something – we teetered downstairs.
    ‘Erm … lovely,’ said my dad, screwing up one eye. ‘Are you sure, Joyce?’
    My mother raised her eyes. ‘You tell them.’
    ‘I don’t think this is a battle I want to fight today,’ said my dad.
    I beamed at him and pulled my sweater down a little just for badness.
    ‘Now,’ my dad said. I noticed suddenly he was covering my mother’s hand with his, and she was smiling bravely, backing him up as he gave us his little pep talk. Well, this was something.
    ‘I know there’s no point in saying “don’t drink”, but I just want you to be responsible.’
    We nodded vigorously, hopping from foot to foot.
    ‘And DON’T let your glass out of sight.’
    ‘I don’t think there’ll be that much Rohypnol at the Clellands’ party,’ I said.
    ‘You never know, Miss Smart-aleck.’
    ‘We’re going to stick to alcopops,’ said Stanzi bravely. ‘Don’t worry, Mr Scurrison, it’s only two doors down.’
    ‘Don’t worry about you two slugging alcopops all night until you pass out. I’ll try,’ said my dad, shaking his head and looking at my mother.
    ‘Now, I know you’re both sensible,’ began my mother, ‘but think of the harm that could happen if you go too far with the boys.’
    ‘Yeah – you might end up married at thirty-two,’ I said, but quietly.
    ‘It’s not we don’t want you to have any fun,’ added my dad. ‘We just want you to think: safe, responsible fun.’
    ‘That doesn’t sound like fun at all.’
    ‘I’ll come and pick you up at one o’clock.’
    ‘Dad, it’s only next door but one!’
    ‘That’s why you’d better be home by then. If you don’t want me stalking into your party. In my pyjamas. With the fly open.’
    ‘OK,’ I said.
    He smiled.
    I wanted to walk around the block a few times, so that we weren’t insanely early, but Stanzi was having none of it.
    ‘You want my makeup destroyed so I get no boys? Is that your masterplan?’
    ‘No, I just don’t want us to be sitting like dorks in the living room, waiting for his parents to leave.’
    ‘No! Let’s go now! Go now! Go now! Then we can chat to Ethan first! He will be early too.’
    ‘I don’t think you should get your hopes up too much about Ethan, Stanzi.’
    ‘Why not, huh?’
    ‘I just … you know, I think he might be gay.’
    I watched Stanzi’s face as it struggled to come to terms with the unlikeliness of this.
    ‘But … but he is so pretty!’
    I nodded.
    ‘And so clean and neat!’
    I nodded again.
    She grimaced. ‘This is all Will Young’s fault,’ she said darkly.
    ‘I’m sure it’s not,’ I said.
    ‘Now I’m going to have to end up with Kendall.’
    Kendall was a sweet-looking boy with spots and