Do You Remember the First Time?

glasses, who sat behind us in English and looked longingly at Stanzi all the time. I thought he was going to be lovely when he grew up, but he equalled us for nerdiness at the moment.
    ‘There’s nothing wrong with Kendall.’
    ‘He’s a dweeb.’
    ‘No he’s not. He’s a superhunk in waiting, and he still doesn’t deserve you.’
    We were at the gate. Inside, we could see lights glowing red, and heavy rap was distinct. A couple of uninvited ratboys were hanging around, looking pissed off.
    I swallowed hard. I looked at Stanzi and she was just as nervous as me. This was stupid. I could happily go to scary client meetings, large corporate parties, strange weddings, and get along at all of them fine. Everyone was always nervous at big events, and it was easy to break the ice and find someone to chat to.
    But this was different. This was a jungle; a completely alien civilisation with rules I had never understood. School at least had a veneer of adult control; this was full-on socialwarfare. In a world where everyone knew both the rules and everyone else. Except for me. Goddamn, I was nervous.
    ‘Well, there’s nothing quite as good as having fun, is there?’ I said to Stanzi, who looked absolutely terrified, as if she was facing a lion’s den. Which we were.
    ‘Maybe we walk around the block,’ said Stanzi quickly.
    ‘Look,’ I said, ‘this is going to be fine.’ I nodded, trying to convince myself. ‘Think of it as kicking off our life of party-going, and they will get more and more fun after this, I promise. Then you’ll get to a point when they stop being so much fun any more and they deteriorate and everyone talks about house prices and au pairs. But you can worry about that later.’
    ‘Yeah?’ said Stanzi.
    ‘Come on,’ I said. ‘Let’s go.’
    And just as I said it, we opened the gate, and the door of the main house opened up to let us in and the smoke and the heat and the noise were almost welcoming.

Chapter Twelve
    The first thing I saw was a couple pressed up against the wall, snogging. Well, looked like I hadn’t had to worry so much about the niceties of timekeeping. Kids were everywhere; hanging over banisters, dancing in the sitting room. It was a long time since I’d been here, but Clelland’s parents’ place hadn’t changed at all. There was … oh my God, a picture of Clelland that I recognised and had always loved. He’s eighteen, and he’s holding a squirming toddler in his arms. He looks sulky and embarrassed, but completely thrilled at the same time. It was very strange to see it yellowing in a frame: I remember the day we picked it up from Boots. The house was still full of the ornaments and mementoes that we had found so hilariously bourgeois at the time, but now I found them reassuring, and it was more than a little peculiar to be seeing them again after all this time.
    Stanzi was clinging on to my coat, and I patted her on the hand to make sure she was OK. An older boy I didn’trecognise – though I guess that didn’t matter much – came up to me.
    ‘Hi, Flora. Glad you could make it!’ he said. ‘You look cute.’
    Well, well, well! Inside my heart leaped with the praise. Maybe this wasn’t going to be such an ordeal after all.
    ‘Hey!’ said a couple of the other guys. ‘Looking good, chica.’
    I smiled broadly at them and headed to the kitchen. Someone wolf-whistled loudly as we went past.
    Stanzi caught up with me in the kitchen.
    ‘Something is wrong,’ she said suspiciously, as I swigged my first alcopop and tried not to gag on all the sugar.
    ‘What do you mean?’ I said. ‘Once you get everyone out of school they’re really nice.’
    A gawky boy with a couple of pimples pinched me on the arse.
    ‘Don’t be cheeky,’ I said coquettishly.
    ‘Hmm,’ said Stanzi. She leaned over. ‘Are you sure everything is quite OK?’
    ‘Come on!’ I said. ‘Lighten up.’
    And I swigged my alcopop, and this time it tasted better. Stanzi didn’t stop eyeing me up, though.
    Maybe because I’d had nearly two weeks of constant stress; maybe because the world might be going to end for me very shortly; maybe because I was young and crazy and foolish and Icould do these things; maybe because I didn’t want to be the wallflower any more. I can’t say what it was. But I drank, and danced, and flirted, and was flirted with, and talked to everyone, and was loud, and waved to Justin, who waved back, looking slightly uncomfortable, and I decided to have