Do You Remember the First Time?

presumably had seen every form of marriage imaginable, simply tipped his cap and closed the doors tightly behind us.
    The first time I tripped over Tashy’s delicate ivory train, I realised walking into the church whilst keeping my eyes shut was simply not an option. We paused at the church door.
    ‘I’m sorry,’ I said, for the millionth time.
    ‘Don’t be,’ she said bravely. ‘Everything’s going to be just fine. I’m sure of it.’
    We peeked into the church. Sure enough, Max was down the front, his back to us, deliberately not turning round.
    ‘Because it’s against the rules to spoil the surprise,’ said Tash. ‘He’d hate that.’
    ‘OK?’ said her dad. Then, sotto voce to me: ‘And I’ll be keeping my eye on you.’
    ‘OK, Stan,’ I said.
    ‘How does she know my name?’ he asked Tashy.
    ‘Please shut up,’ said Tashy, as the familiar Trumpet Voluntary struck up. ‘Right.’
    ‘Right.’
    I squeezed her hand tightly one last time. Oh God, it was really happening. And I was going to have to make a choice.
    ‘Don’t we have a plan B?’ she asked.
    ‘We definitely should have had a plan B,’ I said.
    She walked out onto the red carpeted aisle.
    At least, being a bridesmaid, I could keep eyes front, and not look at a thing. Also, ever since Fergie did that awful bug-eyed, saying hello to all her old chalet maid chums in Westminster Abbey thing, it’s quite OK for a bride to smooth her way up to the altar being far too grand to look at anyone. So we held it together. Tash said her vows in a quiet low tone, different from the way she’d giggled through them the first time I’d heard her. I felt another stab of remorse. And the worst was yet to come. There was – as usual – a pregnant pause when the vicar charged them both, if either of them knew of any impediment why they may not be lawfully joined in Matrimony to confess it, and I definitely felt a wince.
    Then it was all said, the register signed, and we turned back, Tashy smiling as gamely as she could for the photographs. I couldn’t see through a wash of tears. People were shouting my name, I could hear that for certain, but as the confetti flew and the cameras snapped, I willed myself into keeping them out of focus.
    ‘I’m going to cut the cake as soon as possible,’ sheannounced as they headed for the car to take them to the reception. ‘Don’t you think?’
    I nodded frantically. Then I could make my wish and get the hell out of here and … well, I suppose I could worry about the rest later.
    ‘Well,’ said Max, dragging her along, ‘we have to say hello to everyone first. Then there’s a two-hour champagne reception. Then there’s dinner, of course. Then there’s the speeches – I think you’ll rather like mine – then I think we all break for coffee and then I suppose it’s the cake.’
    ‘Why don’t we do the cake first?’
    ‘You’re my crazy firecracker, aren’t you, baby? Always trying to be different.’
    ‘Wild and crazy, that’s me,’ said Tash through gritted teeth. ‘Always defying expectations.’
    ‘You look lovely,’ he said. ‘Doesn’t she, short bridesmaid stranger?’
    ‘Yes,’ I said. ‘Lovely.’
    And he smiled and looked happy as they got in the car, flashbulbs going off, and I felt worse than ever.
    I didn’t know bridesmaids had to stand in receiving lines. This was stupid. Particularly next to Max’s very unprepossessing fat best man, who was half-heartedly trying to chat me up with the air of a man who knows he’s completely unattractive to women his own age but reckons he might have a shot with someone extraordinarily naïve and is trying to work out just how naïve you are.
    ‘So, you like Big Events?’ he was whispering.
    ‘As long as they’re very hot and exciting,’ I whisperedback, making him break out in a slight sweat. God, this is boring. Plus, I was going to have to duck for cover if we saw Tashy’s gay boss, whose daughter I was pretending to be.
    Olly’s eyes bored into mine as he made his way down the line. He was clearly furious with me.
    ‘I hope you’re not going to say this is all my fault,’ I said when he got to me.
    He planted a very unaffectionate kiss on my cheek and tried to smile whilst saying, ‘Who else’s could it be? Everything was fine before you did all this.’
    ‘Yes, you believe that,’ I said, stung, but he had already passed on.
    He held Tashy out at arm’s length. ‘You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever