Down London Road

hand.
    Cam dragged his mouth from mine, panting against my neck. ‘If we don’t stop, I’m going to fuck you right here.’
    Those words were like a cold shower and I pitched back under the icy blast – guilt and shame I’d never felt before spraying down on me as Cam lifted his head to look at me.
    Slowly, as he took in my expression, the sexual haze dissipated from his eyes and I felt the loss of his fingers. ‘Jo …’
    I shook my head at him and pushed against his shoulders, trying to fight back the tears. ‘We can’t do this. What are we doing?’
    The muscle in Cam’s jaw twitched and he abruptly released me, only to grab me by the upper arms, his expression raw with some unnamed emotion. ‘I’m ending it with Becca. Tonight.’
    Tonight? Now?
The blood rushed in my ears as panic set in and I realized what he really meant …
    ‘I know. It’s shit, I know. But I can’t go on like this. I’m not the guy who cheats on his girlfriend. And I can’t continue to be the guy who fucks his girlfriend wishing all the time she was someone else.’
    Elation and fear washed over me in equal measure. ‘Cam, I …’
    ‘You want this. I know you do.’ He pressed his forehead against mine and I closed my eyes, breathing him in. ‘Will you leave Malcolm?’
    My muscles locked and I knew Cam felt it, because his grip on my arms tightened.
    ‘Johanna?’
    The truth was, I didn’t know the answer to that question.Walking away from Malcolm wasn’t just about me. It was about me and Cole and our future.
    ‘You’re telling me you’re going to stay with that guy?’ Cam asked harshly, shaking me a little. ‘You’re going to go through the rest of your life standing at his side at parties, laughing that stupid bloody fake giggle, with your eyes contradicting your mouth every time it opens.’ He pulled back and I almost flinched at the distaste in his eyes. ‘That girl you were out there is not Jo. I don’t know who that is, but she’s an arse who pisses me off. She’s fake, she’s simpering, and she’s a fucking bimbo. She’s not you.’
    We were silent, our breathing uneven and loud as we worked to calm the tension between us. Hurt by his words, and yet in agreement with them, I found my mind whirling as I tried to weigh my options, the consequences, what was right and what was wrong.
    I took too long to answer.
    Cam let go of me and I shivered, feeling instantly cold. I wanted to die at the look he gave me.
    Without another word, he reached past me to unlock the door and I found myself unceremoniously moved aside as he wrenched it open and disappeared into the party.
    Tears clogged my throat, but I refused to let them travel to my eyes, my hands clenching at my sides. I could handle this without the waterworks. I knew I could.
    Moving on shaking legs, I slumped against the sink to stare at my reflection and then gasped in horror. My cheeks were flushed, my eyes bright, and my skirt was still rucked up a little from where Cam had slipped his hand between my legs. I gasped again, remembering his fingersin me, and I gripped the sink so tight that my knuckles turned white. My nipples were peaked against my shirt and the colour was still high on my cheeks.
    I had to get myself under control or everyone would know what I’d been up to.
    I gave myself ten minutes and as I returned to Malcolm’s side, I saw Cam out of the corner of my eye shoving his way through the crowds of people towards the exit. The front door slammed loudly not too long after.
    ‘You okay?’ Malcolm’s voice pulled my head around.
    ‘He’s a bastard!’ Becca could suddenly be heard over the hum of music and voices. Malcolm and I twisted around to find her. She was in the corner, being comforted by her friends.
    ‘Do you think he dumped her?’ Malcolm asked in my ear. ‘While you were in the bathroom they were arguing.’
    Ashamed that I knew the answer all too well, I couldn’t look at him. ‘Looks like it.’
    ‘You okay?’ he repeated.
    ‘I’m not feeling this party.’ I shrugged.
    ‘Yeah, and it looks like Becca is about to kick off.’ Malcolm sighed. ‘Would it be awful if we snuck out?’
    I threw him a weak smile. ‘It would be great.’
    He held my jacket and I shrugged into it. Two seconds later I let him pull me out of the flat. Without a word we walked down Leamington Terrace to the main road on Bruntsfield Place and waited for a taxi to approach with its light on. When we had no luck, Malcolm took