Down London Road

I’m romantic? Baby, that doesn’t say much for those assholes you’ve dated.’
    I grinned back at him. ‘Actually, you have your moments.’
    With soft eyes, he gave my shoulder a squeeze. ‘You make it easy.’
    ‘See!’ I cried softly, my eyes glittering with utter contentment. ‘That was romantic.’
    ‘It was?’
    ‘Yes. Surely, you’ve been romantic with ex-girlfriends?’
    Why oh why did I ask that? Did I really want to hear about the ex-girlfriends?
    Thankfully, Cam sidestepped the question. Unfortunately, he sidestepped it by asking one. ‘So was Malcolm romantic? That Callum guy?’ There was a definite edge to the question, so I thought I’d best tread carefully. But honestly.
    ‘Callum could be very romantic. All hearts and flowers and shit like that.’
    Cam grunted. ‘Shit like that?’
    I shrugged, feeling okay talking about it now that I was wrapped in the arms of something real. ‘Looking back, it all seems fake. We were together two years. He met Cole a few times. Never met Mum. I saw him every other weekend when I could. He sent me flowers, bought me nice things, went all out on Valentine’s Day. I met his parents but knew very little about them. Hung out with some of his friends and knew even less about them. I don’t know if I even knew
Callum
. I know for a fact he didn’t know me. So, yeah … shit like that. I’d take hot sex against a desk with a guy who knows exactly what he’s getting into – pardon the pun – over flowers and chocolates any day.’
    I chanced a glance up at Cam and saw him smiling widely at me. ‘I think I’m having an earthy influence on you, Johanna Walker.’
    I grinned back. ‘I think so too.’
    He rubbed his calf against mine and pulled me even closer. ‘And Malcolm?’
    ‘He had his moments. Again, I didn’t know much about him and he seemed happy with that. I knew he had an ex-wife, that his mum had passed away but his dad was alive. He had a brother he was really close with but not close enough with to introduce me. He didn’t know me at all like he thought he did … but he was a true gentleman.’
    I felt Cam tense beneath me for a second before letting air out between his lips. ‘You cared about him.’
    After pressing a reassuring kiss to his chest, I nodded.
    That silence fell over us again, the one that seemed so full of words unspoken, so full of emotion, charging the air between us. Understanding what it meant, I felt my chest compress with the gravity of the emotion. To stop myself from saying the words too soon, I stupidly asked what I didn’t want to know. ‘Have you ever been in love?’
    When he heaved a huge sigh I tried not to react physically, and when he answered quietly, ‘Yes,’ I tried not to be sick.
    It was stupid, of course, to feel pain in my chest, to feel my stomach flip and my brain scream Noo!!! but I couldn’t help my reaction. Cameron had been in love.
    Taking a moment to make sure my voice was steady, I sucked in another breath and then asked, ‘When? Who?’
    ‘Do you really want to know this?’ His voice was gruff.
    ‘If you want to tell me, I want to know.’
    ‘Okay,’ he answered gently, his hand sliding down my arm in a caress. ‘It was a long time ago. I met her ten years ago when I was eighteen. Her name was Blair and we met in our first term of uni.’
    Blair
.
    And he’d loved her
.
    Already I was envisioning some tall, dark-haired beauty with intelligent eyes and cool self-possession like Joss. I pushed those imaginings aside. ‘What happened?’
    ‘We were together for three and a half years. I thought we’d get engaged, buy a house, get married, churn out some kids. I thought she was it.’
    Was that a knife he was twisting in my side? I held still, trying to squash the intense jealousy and hurt I felt at his revelation.
    ‘However, Blair was offered a placement at a university in France to do her postgraduate degree in French literature. So I broke it off with her. I broke it off with her before she could break it off with me because I knew she was going to choose France and she knew I would never leave Scotland. I couldn’t leave my parents or Nate and Peetie behind. She was going to end it, so I just made it easy for her.’
    There was so much in that confession that my throat closed with anxiety. I didn’t say a word, just threaded my fingers through his and waited for the pain to ease.
    It didn’t.
    A while later, we showered together and then Cam left me to go to